omw to fail the semester. again
how do u guys do college, really. in 2024 my executive dysfunction got so worse that i couldn't study. it's been accumulating since the 1st semester and the more year i get the more anxious i've become so genuinely i just... stuck.
im not really good at my current major. i spent too much time on understanding 1 topic i ended up couldn't finish anything up. in 2024 i got depressed as well i couldn't get up to attend any exam so i got mostly D.
i took a leave on the first term of 2025 hoping i could take rest and be better. i dont. i go to college for the 2nd term of 2025, i only repeat last year subject so i only take 14 out of 20 credit score, but i still do mostly B and one D with 2.46/4 GPA
i keep go to college till now, i didnt have any friend in class because they all are junior and alr have their own friend groups, and since im suck academically too i really dont have anything to offer. this semester, i didn't attend any midterm exam, again. and i skip entirely one subject so it's an automatic E. i skip a lot of class, didn't attend most quiz, didn't do most personal assignment (unless it's online bcs i keep missing the deadline).
most of my classes is in the morning and i keep procrastinating on getting ready that after not attending exam back in 2024 my body become dgaf and think i could just not attend every time. worse i dont have sense of urgency like i know it's bad to skip class, i know the consequence, i know i dont have resource to do college all over again or just drop out and work with high school diploma, but i just cant trigger my brain to make it study and get shit done
and i alr ask for mental health support from campus & national insurance but they said since im not suicidal enough i only could get it one month from now and cant choose the hospital or the psychiatrist. meanwhile the endterm exam is less than a month from now so idk how the fuck would i do that.
and since most psychiatrist here are conservative and dont really know about neurodevelopmental disorder they'd probably just ask me to pray to god and call it a day. i dont have any hope for that.
you know, it feels so hard because i cant create urgeny in my brain to just DO IT, im getting better last week by actually go to class (even when i dont submit assignment) but this week im getting down again i alr skip 3 classes like why is this so hard?? i only need to get up! it's so frustrating!!