u/mewzzy_aru

Chapter One

I've been working on this chapter and would appreciate an honest feedback and critique on my chapter. I can see its flaws but I would like to know how others see it from different perspectives.

Preferably looking for feedback on:

-clarity and pacing

-prose quality

-atmosphere

-where does the prose break immersion or lose you?

-character voice and consistency.

-Dialogues

The chapter is dense with many elements and mysteries I had a hard time cutting down. Tell me where it stacks too much, where it's underdeveloped or makes you overwork.

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My critique https://www.reddit.com/r/DestructiveReaders/comments/1tco466/comment/omhp0t1/