u/mianaai_c

Crits: 2885 1841 194

This is the last part of my short story. What I've been looking for most is feedback on the whole story. Is it cohesive or too disjointed? Do you see the literary stakes in it? From the responses I've gotten on the first three parts, I started to get a sense of where I can tighten it up, reshuffle, switch focus. I'm still looking forward to feedback on the whole story. I'm mostly banking on those who have already read the other parts, and I know that trying to critique the standalone ending is somewhat futile. Still, here's a recap of the story up to this part:

Scene 1. Introduces Dan, Ioana, and García Méndez—the Narrator. They are in Dan's car, driving on a midnight road. They are in a hurry. García is a flexible atheist, as in, he builds himself a heaven to believe in when the moment suits him.

Scene 2. A flashback. The Narrator works at a bar in London. He meets Ioana (who's there to study), and they spend some drunken nights together. Ioana goes back home to Romania for a week and invites the Narrator to go to the beach with her. He arrives and sees her kissing a friend (Dan).

Scene 3. Instead of going to the sea, they go to search for a friend who has left for the mountains. This friend is alone and might be a danger to himself. The trio meets up with Albert and Mara.

Scene 4. García Méndez seems able to read the others' thoughts. They are going through camping spots, searching for their friend. It's after midnight.

Scene 5. The dream sequence. García dreams that he enters the minds of Dan and Ioana. Dan's mind is an orderly place, uncomfortable but solid, focused on finding their missing friend. Ioana's mind is a chaotic place; she's a hedonist. Then García has a spiritual experience. Then he goes (somewhat coerced) to sleep in Albert and Mara's tent.

Caravanserai - Part 4 of 4

Previous posts: Part 1 Part 2 Part 3

This is part 3/4.

Recap of the first two parts (containing 4 scenes):

Scene 1. Introduces the Dan, Ioana, and García Méndez---the Narrator. They are in Dan's car, driving on a midnight road. They are in a hurry.

Scene 2. A flashback. The Narrator works at a bar in London. He meets Ioana (who's there to study), and they spend some drunken nights together. Ioana goes back home to Romania for a week; invites the Narrator with her to go to the beach. He arrives and sees her kissing a friend (Dan).

Scene 3. Instead of going to the sea, they go search for a friend that has left for the mountains. This friend is alone and might be a danger to himself. The trio meet up with Albert and Mara.

Scene 4. García Méndez seems able to read the others thoughts. They are going through camping spots, searching for their friend. It's after midnight.

Caravanserai - Part 3

Crit: 3127

Previous posts: Part 1 Part 2

Crit: 2921

This is part 2/4. Here be magical realism.

The first part contained two scenes. In the first scene, I introduce the Dan, Ioana, and the Narrator. They are in Dan's car, driving on a midnight road. They are in a hurry.

The second scene is a flashback. The Narrator works at a bar in London. He meets Ioana (who's there to study), and they spend some white nights together. Ioana goes back home to Romania for a week; invites the Narrator with her to go to the beach. He arrives and sees her kissing a friend (Dan).

Caravanserai - Part 2

Previous parts: Part 1

Crit: 2541

Caravanserai - Part 1

The first of four parts. There are some magical realism elements in the later parts.

Trigger warning: there are mentions of smooching.

https://starmadedock.net/content/blue-picket.8778/

Crits: 2134 3888

So, I've been reading Julio Cortázar again. This one is my attempt to write in his style.

Story

I hope these are enough crits: 1316 2900 2337 2257 2223 1675

Hi there.

This is the last part of my SF satirical novelette. The stylistic inspiration is mainly The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy.

I decided to post this as a single post (despite risking the wrath of the mods for the egregious word count), because I also want some thoughts on the denouement.

Much obliged.

Finale

Alright, this is the fourth and second-to-last chapter of my science fiction satirical novelette. The style inspiration was Hitchhiker's Guide with a little bit of Don Quijote. (With some pollution from Murderbot.)

For those jumping into this without having read my other ones, I commend you. I put a summary at the beginning of the story so far, as they pertain to the current chapters.

Chapter 4

Much obliged and kisses.

Crits: 2308 2028 1824

Previous chapters: Ch 3 Ch 2 Ch 1

This is the third chapter of a science fiction satire novelette. The style I'm going for is Hitchhiker's Guide x Don Quijote.

Hard to jump in the middle of a story, I know. I added a little summary of the previous two chapters at the beginning.

story

Crits: 2384 3681

P.S., for my previous readers (by which I mean my fan A_C_Shock): yeah, I changed the title. It's for a joke in the last chapter that nobody will get.

Crit: 1646

Story

This one is a little frame story.

Many thanks in advance!

Crits: 1444 1384 1571 1000 (This last one is more of a comment, not sure it counts. Consider it a cherry.)

This is the second chapter of a satirical SF novelette (the first waystop). Stylistically, I'm aiming for Don Quijote x Hitchhiker's Guide.

I put a summary of the first chapter at the beginning of the doc (counted in the WC).

Does it make sense? Does the humor land? Prose: any good?

Story: 3160

Much obliged.

Crits: 1400 2613

This is the first chapter of a novelette. While not my original intent, it's best described as Don Quijote x Hitchhiker's Guide. The rest of the story is about this hitchhiker encountering various deranged hermits along an interstellar highway.

Mainly, I want to know if the humor lands and if it piques your interest. Otherwise, do your thing, tear it up.

My story: 1129

Many thanks in advance!

Note to mods: I originally used the two critiques for a post that got no response (bar an AI "feedback", which was removed). After reflecting on that post and the lack of response, I deleted it and ruminated some more on my life choices. Anyway, I hope it's alright to "reuse" the crits.