Idk what to think about normal life after taking spravato
Well, I don't know how to really explain what I feel but, after taking spravato for just like, 3 times, I genuinely don't know what I feel about life when sober. Life feels better, sure, but I don't know what to feel or do in terms of my beliefs and understanding of life as a whole. It genuinely feels like normal life is an illusion sometimes or a play that we all act out for some reason and real life is being in that altered state.
It's like if being in a dream felt more me or "real" than real life, to the point I kinda wish to go back to it in daily life (in a more stable way of course, I don't wanna abuse hard drugs). Everything feels so small compared to the vastness of things I think. My identity feels small. My personhood feels small. Existence feels like something bigger and, I don't really know what God is anymore. How can I say that God is the God in organized religion if it feels like every week I meet Him and He feels... Like a lot, just a lot.
My understanding of life feels muddled. I feel like I have or need a new perspective, but I don't know what that is. Everything is vast, everything is a lot and I just... Gotta go back to studying and shi? I guess this is ego death/confusion/dissolution. Idk how to explain it. If anyone understood this ramble and has some advice (especially if you're more experienced with spravato or drugs and trips in general) lemme know.