Impostor Syndrome Getting the Best of Me
Hi! 29M (turning 30 next Thursday) and my impostor syndrome is kicking in more frequently these days.
I am a registered chemical engineer and chemical technician. A lot of people from my area (I’m from Region XII) who hear this are always in awe that I achieved two PRC licenses since my field is quite uncommon here, but here’s the thing: it took me twice the actual time needed to finish my degree due to a combination of transferring universities and failing some subjects. It took me so long to graduate to the point that I started losing my passion and I only finished my degree just for the sake of it na lang.
I got my first job as a Management Trainee in a food manufacturing company here in our city 5 months after taking the chemical technician board exam. After 7 months, I got promoted to Team Manager. I loved my work environment there, but my manager and coworkers put so much trust in me, even when there are times I really do not know what I’m doing. I’m just making it up as I go. Faking it ‘til I make it. I’m literally just crossing the bridge when I get there. The workload got heavier, but my salary was stagnant. I resigned from this job after 1 year and 8 months.
I then transferred to a MNC, but I resigned after 3 months and 20 days because, despite the above-average pay, my direct superiors were toxic. As in, I’m hearing comments about me na di na work-related.
I have been unemployed for 2 months now. I’m worried that my short work stint is impacting my applications. I know my profession has a wide scope which could offer me a lot of career opportunities, pero the thought of competing with stellar fellow chemical engineers who are passionate about the field and graduated with good scholastic records really makes me anxious and doubt myself so much. There’s a voice in my head saying na, unlike them, hindi ako magaling, ako ay marunong lang. Ang dami ko na inapplyan na trabaho, but mostly just ended up in rejections. Some even go unnoticed.
Sorry for the long post. I’m just really concerned about my future.