NOA and failed mTESE UK
Not sure where to begin. 35M and wife is 33F. Been trying to convince for almost 3 year now. Issue lies with me. History of Crohn's and had a complete proctolectomy about 4 years ago which essentially killed me but I pulled through and living with an illeostomy.
Regarding my fertility, I've had 3 sperm analysis where nothing was found. LSH and FH high but Test in normal levels. Genetics results were normal, well the urologist said good enough to perform mTESE. Had the surgery last week and nothing. Only options now are donor sperm or adoption.
We have funding for IVF through the NHS but in UK funding is valid for a year roughly and ours got approved Jan 2026. Yesterday my wife's IVF nurses called her to rebook to begin the process for egg retrieval near the end of June next month as they said it will take roughly a month for donor sperm to be sent, etc etc.
I have never been this lost, I'm usually really good with dealing with trauma, because of all the shit I've been through, but I never thought. But everything is moving too fast, I don't know how I truly feel about donor sperm. I think I'm ok with it but everything is moving so so fast for me to even process. I broke down the other day just trying to look at donor sperm profiles.
I love my wife to bits we are open with each other, but she's doesn't want to lose this opportunity and I get that and having caused her so much pain with my Crohn's (she was at my bedside during my time in hospital for my big surgery for 2 months straight without fail) and now not being able to give her a child through natural methods is killing me. Her dream has always been to be a mother and live in a forever home.
Everything is just overwhelming to not wanting to tell anyone about this problem( at least donor sperm part) Parents included. What if people realise it's not mine, what if I won't feel love for the child should everything be successful after this. There's religious aspects to this also.
Sorry for the rant, I don't know exactly what answer I am looking for here, perhaps to just vent. My wife has sacrificed so much for me so I feel I just need to just get on with it but I just don't know. Nothing is fair.