Back to treatment advice?
I'm a 22f who hasn't been to the doctor in like five or six years now after being told that I won't be cured. I was diagnosed with Juvenile rheumatoid arthritis when I was 2 years old and have been on medication since. I wasn't educated on the medicines i was taking and had always been fed hope since I was little that I will one day be alright. So being told otherwise after all the things I went through changed something in me, leading me to lose hope and eventually refusing to go back to the doc and depending on prednisolone alone since that killed the pain and kept me going (which was a stupid decision ik but i was going through a lot mentally). Though my condition hasn't worsened or improved, I'm worried this will eventually cost my joints or worse. But missing five to six years of appointments has increased my anxiety and now whenever I think about booking an appointment, i panic. I don't know what to do. Thinking of going back makes me sick in a way, nauseous even. I think it's fear. I think I'm scared to go back after such a long history of negligence. I'm scared I'd be scolded for missing appointments and taking things into my own hand. I think I'm screwed.
I wanted to know if anyone has missed their appointments as well and ever went back. Idk if reddit is the place for this but yeah, anything to ease my anxiety.