u/myaccountidname

Serum XCL7
Your hair grows roughly one inch every single day.

Serum ADL9
Your shoe size permanently increases by three sizes.
(If you currently wear an 11, you now wear a 14.)

Serum QRVM
You permanently smell strongly of Aunt Jemima pancake syrup, no matter how many times you shower.

Serum F22X
You permanently have SpongeBob’s voice.

The Collins Family
“I can’t hear you say that again.”
This family is extremely hard of hearing. You will have to repeat every single thing out loud, word for word, at least 5 times. No exceptions.
You are not allowed to write anything down not on paper, not on your phone, not on a notepad, not in a text, not in a note, not in any form of writing whatsoever. The only way they will accept information is if you say it out loud, repeatedly.

The Edge Family
“Put this on, hurry up!”
“Are you ready?”
“Tie this here!”
Welcome to the Edge Family. In this house there’s always a new random adventure waiting. Some of them carrying serious risk. Their motto is simple: life’s too short.
“LIVE ON THE EDGE.”
Some days you go to sleep and wake up 30,000 feet in the air, already suited up and ready to skydive. Other days you open your eyes trekking through the swampy mangroves of the Brazilian rainforest or halfway up Mt. Everest. 😈
You might find yourself helping save Mr. and Ms. Edge from a territorial mountain lion, sprinting from a charging bear, or clinging to a jagged rock while Ms. Edge is yelling at you to grab her hand so you don’t plunge down a waterfall. One day you could be free climbing with full gear the next day without any at all. Or you could wake up deep inside a massive cave system, torchlight cutting through the darkness in dramatic beams, water dripping from stone,.
You’ll never be bored. You’ll either be suspended from something, swinging over to something, or jumping off something.
“GET READY TO LIVE.”

The Meyers Family
No need to repeat yourself. No risk of being forced off a cliff.
Just make sure that sock is picked up, those Dorito crumbs are swept, and your bed is made the second you wake up.
This family has severe OCD. Almost their entire existence revolves around spraying, wiping, folding, organizing, and eliminating any sign of disorder. And they mean severe.
If you spill even a single drop of ketchup on your shirt during dinner, Mr. or Ms. Meyers will immediately try to pull that shirt off you and scrub it on the spot. There is no “it’s fine,” no “I’ll clean it later,” and no ignoring it. Any mess no matter how small is treated as an emergency that must be fixed right then and there.
In this house, cleanliness and order are not preferences. They are non-negotiable rules that govern every moment of the day.

The Castleton family — even though we live in the 21st century, this family dresses and talks like it’s 1800s London high society, and you’re expected to do the same.

The Clovis family -Seems normal except for the fact that they argue and get into 10-minute shouting matches over the tiniest things, but it never gets to the point where it’s physical purely verbal. For example, if you didn’t fully tighten the cap on the milk carton after pouring a glass, you’re in for a straight verbal unavoidable assault.

The Ironside family — no waistcoats or shout fests, but make sure you keep your elbows tucked in when doing push-ups, because this family is overly obsessed with staying in shape. Before you go to bed, you’re expected to do 100 push-ups, then 5 sets of bodyweight pull-ups (15 reps each) every morning and night. Occasionally, they like to wake up around 3 a.m. for a 5-mile bike ride, followed by 20 more push-ups when you get back. No junk food allowed in the house as well and if they somehow detect that you had a donut while out than that’s another 20 pushups on the spot.

View Poll

$50/month and never wait in line you and 1 person always to the front of anything
Or
$150/month and you get unlimited chick fila

Rebecca — Excellent storyteller but smells horrible (even with your nose covered).

Ryan — Constantly cries day and night despite comfort; smells fine.

Sloane — Smells fine, doesn’t cry, but is overly affectionate and hugs you 8 times a day for 10 minutes each.

For an extra $1,600 per week added to your normal salary for the rest of your life, you must consume only a fully liquid diet. Every single meal, snack, or item of food you eat must be blended into a completely smooth, pourable liquid consistency with no solid pieces, chunks, lumps, or chewable textures whatsoever. This includes all meats, vegetables, starches (e.g., potatoes, rice, pasta), fruits, breads, nuts, etc. You may add water, broth, or other liquids as needed during blending to achieve this. No exceptions for “soft” foods, chewing gum, or occasional solids—even a single bite of anything requiring chewing is prohibited. You must follow this rule 100% of the time, every day, indefinitely.

For an extra $2,600 per week added to your normal salary for the rest of your life, you must eat one whole, raw Carolina Reaper pepper (including stem, seeds, and all flesh) immediately upon waking after a full night’s sleep, and one whole, raw Carolina Reaper pepper immediately before going to sleep each night.

You may only use up to one teaspoon of milk at a time per pepper to help suppress the heat—nothing else is permitted (no water, no other dairy, no food, no antacids, no remedies). You cannot blend, chop, cook, or alter the peppers in any way; they must be consumed whole and raw. This must be done every single day without exception, for the rest of your life. Missing even one pepper (morning or night) violates the terms.