u/nitsed004

I’m a 34 year old bisexual man. Im trying to meet more people as friends or dates (pretty open). I’m currently in grad school and work FT so I don’t have a ton of time but I’m looking for activities that are more drop in oriented and socially friendly. I’m athletic, enjoy reading, and movies. I’m pretty open for activities and don’t mind learning something new but I was curious if anyone had any suggestions for communities or activities in the metro Detroit area?

I’m looking for some outside perspective because I feel conflicted.

About two years ago, I moved back in with my mom. At the time, I was trying to reset my finances after realizing my previous career wasn’t paying enough to build a future. Since moving back, I’ve been working full-time, going to grad school, and using the opportunity to pivot into a better career. It’s worked out well—I landed two growth-oriented positions and increased my income by over 20%.
The living situation wasn’t ideal. Small house, very little privacy, and my brother has lived here on and off most of that time whenever things with his wife fall apart. But it was worth it because it allowed me to save money and work toward buying a home.

Then in April, my mom’s landlord told us he planned to sell the house. The rent she was paying is impossible to find anywhere else now, and buying the house wasn’t an option financially.
My mom and I decided to split an apartment together. It’s in a much nicer area, and although it delays my home purchase a little, I’ll still be able to save. The plan is to stay there for about three years while I finish grad school, continue advancing my career (hopefully into a role closer to $100k), save for a down payment, and then buy a home. Once I move out, I plan to help subsidize my mom’s rent by a few hundred dollars a month so she can comfortably afford a one-bedroom on her own.
The problem is my brother.

He’s 37 and has lived with my mom for most of his adult life. He has a skilled trade but is regularly unemployed. He doesn’t contribute toward rent, utilities, groceries, or toiletries. Recently he brought home a dog from his wife’s house without asking my mom, even though he often can’t afford dog food.
I’ve helped him over the years by buying dog food, lending him money for bus passes so he could get to work, and other small things. Unfortunately, he’ll often quit those jobs after only a few weeks.
He also struggles with gambling and substance use, and when he’s under stress he can become verbally aggressive toward my mom. Because of that, he absolutely cannot move into the apartment with us. My name is on the lease, and I’m not willing to risk my mom’s safety, my housing, or my financial future.
The part that’s making me feel guilty is that he’s known since April that this house was being sold. My mom and I are moving in about two weeks, and only now has he admitted that he basically hasn’t looked for housing or seriously searched for work. He says he feels like we’re abandoning him.
I don’t feel like that’s an accurate description of what’s happening. He’s had months of notice, and this isn’t the first time he’s been in a situation where other people have had to rescue him from the consequences of his choices.
At the same time, I don’t want to leave him with absolutely nothing.

I was thinking about offering somewhere between $500 and $1,000 to help him get a temporary place while he gets on his feet. The problem is that hotels, Airbnbs, and even pet-friendly options are so expensive that it doesn’t seem like enough to meaningfully solve anything.
I also can’t co-sign for him. My mom did that years ago, he stopped paying, and it damaged her credit. I’m not willing to put myself in that position.
So I guess my questions are:

What would you consider a reasonable amount of help in this situation?

Are there better temporary housing options than hotels or Airbnbs for someone with a dog?

I genuinely care about my brother, but I also feel like I’ve spent the last few years making difficult decisions to improve my life, and I don’t want to undo that progress. I’m trying to find the line between being compassionate and protecting myself and my mom.

TL;DR: My mom and I have to move because our landlord is selling the house. My 37-year-old brother has known since April that he’d need to find somewhere else to live but admits he has barely looked for work or housing. He has a skilled trade but is chronically unemployed, contributes nothing financially, struggles with gambling and substance use, and has become verbally aggressive toward my mom. He cannot move in with us. I’m considering giving him $500–$1,000 to help him find temporary housing, but I don’t want to enable him or jeopardize my own financial future. What’s a reasonable way to help?