Medical student with tremors
I don't usually talk about this, but I feel like I need to get it off my chest.
I've had hand tremors for about 4 years now. My hands and my muscles shake whenever I tense , and it's honestly one of the things that affects me the most.
What hurts the most isn't the tremor itself—it's when people notice it and ask, "Why are your hands shaking?" I know most of them don't mean any harm, but those questions always make me feel self-conscious.
And this has become a huge source of stress. Whenever I try to insert a cannula, my hands shake even more. I've reached a point where I avoid doing it for my relatives because I'm afraid they'll notice or judge me. I've heard comments like, "How are you going to be a doctor?" or "You won't be able to do procedures." Those words really stay with me.
Now I’m about to start my internship, and I’m terrified. I keep thinking about procedures like drawing an ABG, inserting IV cannulas, suturing, or any hands-on skill. I’m scared I won’t be able to do them properly, or that I might accidentally stick myself because of the tremor.
Mentally, this has been exhausting.
I know some people will say, "Just see a doctor." I probably should. But I'm afraid the answer will just be a beta blocker, and honestly, I'm not ready to think about taking medication for the rest of my life.
I've always been an anxious person, and I know anxiety makes the shaking even worse. It feels like a vicious cycle—the more nervous I get, the more my hands shake, and the more they shake, the more anxious I become.
I honestly don't know what to do anymore.
Has anyone here gone through something similar? Did things get better? Were you eventually able to perform procedures confidently?
I'd really appreciate hearing your experiences because, right now, I feel pretty alone.