need advice? i guess
hi all,
i’m currently deployed with a unit i’m not originally from and have had two major family events since being out here, both constituting a red cross message but this most recent one being received and denied by the command. i work aviation and my job requires a lot of attention to detail but i just can’t focus on my job at hand with all things mental in my life right now.
since being out here i haven’t made any friends and have no social life outside of my phone. yes i know that deployment is supposed to bring people together but ive never felt so isolated since being here. the people i work with were already so close knit prior to coming out here, so it created like an unspoken circle that i haven’t been able to get into to begin with. along with that, they’re just genuinely not people id go out of my way to be around nor my usual crowd.
i’ve talked to chaps already but i genuinely have no real way of having an outlet of any sorts as compared to back home. with this new red cross message ive been in nothing but a state of worry and depression honestly and honestly have been having suicidal thoughts because i feel like i contribute nothing by being here and consistently disregarded by my leadership. im just so consumed with guilt by not being able to be there for my family but also frustration watching other red cross messages get pushed through and service members treating it like free leave and a break, rather its intended use.
i’m not looking for sympathy but just genuinely what i can do to get out of this or what would happen if i told anyone about my mental health because im genuinely worried for myself, as i have a history with si, but with this command i don’t want it to be taken south. i don’t want to get out of the corps, i just want to feel worth something and be there for my family during this time.