How to manage?
My ocd has flared up super bad over this past year and whilst I have the basics of how to deal with ocd there's still some things I really struggle with and I wanted advice on how to help them.
First of all one of the big themes I'm struggling with currently is moral ocd. I have no idea how to approach morals in a healthy way; I have the tendency to become very obsessive with it; not sure what I'm supposed to think or how to feel (I know there is no supposed to but we know some things are objectively wrong such as bigotry), wanting to do the right thing all the time. This stuff is very important to me but I struggle to develop a moral code without becoming incredibly obsessive about it, what's normal good person shit and what's my ocd going haywire? When is something actually a problem and when is my ocd making an issue where there doesn't need to be one? I really struggle to tell the difference and trust myself, I want to know how I can.
I also hold myself on a bit of a lead in regards to the fact I struggle to validate myself and my own issues, I worry if I think of myself too much I'll become selfish and stop considering other people (again fears of becoming a bad person). I'm very black and white with all of this, either I think of myself too much or don't think of myself at all and both extremes are unhealthy, I really struggle with the grey area and nuance. So I'm wondering how I care for myself, validate myself and all the emotions I feel in situations (especially situations where I've done wrong) whilst also considering others and acknowledging where my emotions might not be the most beneficial in this situation (they may be overexaggerated and responding to an issue that isn't actually happening or I may direct anger where it really doesn't need to be).
I'm also dealing with real event ocd especially wondering if I'm a bad person because I really don't want to confess the things I've done but wondering if I have to; worrying how people see me and worrying if I'm a bad person for thinking about how people see me if they knew; worrying I'm not showing my true self if people don't know, how do you deal with real event?
I think in general I struggle to trust myself and live with a mind that can make anything into an obsession and very quickly become fixated on it in an unhealthy way, so I wonder how I live life in these conditions? What ways I'm able to do so.
I'm unsure when I'll be able to get ocd treatment so I want to have steps I can take in the meantime as I wait for it, any advice would be really appreciated, thank you so much :).