u/pastaand_gravy

long story short, i’ve had this phobia since i was too young to speak - when my twin sister threw up as a baby, i would pass out, no idea why.
i had some sort of virus in summer 2013(?) i think i was about nine, i did freak out before but i don’t remember much about that incident anymore.
from 2013 up to yesterday, the number of times i had SH or had suicidal thoughts is beyond belief - i had been put on medications, gone to all different types of therapy, and always thought that if it happened, i would either die or i would get over my phobia completely.
well, it happened and im still not sure why - i had diarrhoea, didn’t actually feel too nauseous other than waves of having to try and swallow my saliva down and getting really hot flashes, but they would pass quickly. i managed to sleep for about half an hour, then woke up and drank some water due to how much fluid i had lost from the diarrhoea. bad idea, as the sensations all came back again and i tried to stop it but my body took over and it happened.
don’t get me wrong, it was NOT fun, it hurt (probably due to my RCPD), but i remember laughing after and just being a bit worried in case it would happen again.
cut to now (34 hours later ish??) and i still have bad diarrhoea, probably due to not eating much, and no appetite. i’m finding myself still really anxious which has really knocked my confidence considering i always thought that if it happened i would feel less anxious.
i don’t know.
anyone else with a similar story? and how can i use this experience to prevent my anxiety getting as bad as it was?

First things first - I love the company I work for. I worked at a different location for 3 years and I loved every moment I was there, my coworkers were brilliant, I felt appreciated for my hard work and I was so excited every day to go in. I cried for days when I left.

The only reason I moved was because there wasn’t any opportunity for career progression within the store, and in order to move into management I had to move stores for a minimum of 3 months. So, I moved.

At first, the new job seemed like a dream - going from working in a massive city in a flagship store with crazy hours and an hour long commute to a more local branch with regular hours and a 15 minute commute?? I had so much hope for this job to be great and never want to leave. I have never been more wrong.

On my first day, I immediately had bad vibes from the other girls, two of which were (and still are) management. They were talking to me about associates, ‘warning’ me about one coworker who they described as being ‘really autistic and rude’… immediate red flag, as no manager should be sharing that with a new starter - even though I am now management, at the time I had to be an associate for 2 weeks. Plus, the guy they were talking about is great and not rude at all, so all in all a very unnecessary comment to make.

I remember crying on that first day because I felt so uncomfortable. Everything I said or did was treated as though it was the dumbest thing ever, despite the fact that I had worked for the company, in a flagship store, for years. I was so confident at my old store, and I knew I was good at what I did.

Since that day, it’s just been 5 months of hot and cold from these girls. Some days - especially when it’s just me and one of them - we get on great. On those days, I wonder why I ever felt badly towards them at all. Other days, when there’s two (or all) of them together, I get completely ignored, excluded, have snide comments made towards me, weird looks between them whenever I say or do anything…

Now, I feel so ill going into work. I get so anxious because I have no idea what I’m walking into every day.

The worst part is, everyone else at the store (granted, we only have about 9 other staff members) is aware of them acting like this, including the store manager. They’ve broken so many policies that at any other store, they would’ve been fired years ago, but nothing happens because everyone’s so scared of rocking the boat. The SM always talks negatively about them, but does nothing. These girls are the type to send a passive aggressive message on the group chat about people being messy, but they are the ones always leaving the rubbish. No one else makes a mess, just them, but they expect everyone else to clean up behind them.

I’m trying to leave, and have applied to other roles, but I haven’t heard anything back yet. Even if I do, I’m so reluctant to leave the company because I know it inside out. There’s no jobs that are equal or an upgrade from my current one within a reasonable distance within the company, and I don’t know how much longer I can stick it out here.

Any advice is appreciated, but also I’m not expecting any life changing advice. Just needed to get it off my chest.

TLDR: Tired of coworkers behaviour, making me anxious going into work and not wanting to do a job that I previously loved.