u/peckxetra

TW: nasty languages and suicidie attempt.

Call me dramatic, call me crazy but these are what I went through

Dari masa SMP, gw ngeliat sendiri gimana kekejaman 1998 itu terjadi. I was helpless, gw mo nolongin ayi yang kena *redacted* tapi dihentiin sama oom sekuriti terdekat dan disuruh pergi aja krn there is nothing we can do but get ourselves killed, gw blg itu nyawa orang. dia bilang sesuatu yang bikin gw bener" benci gw sendiri saat itu

"Kau itu cungkring, badan ketek nonek, muka kayak anak kecil. yang ada kau disodomi sampe mati sama mereka"

He was right. but deep inside me, it was nasty and hateful. Gw bawa rasa dendam ini sampe ke Batam and settle in dan lampiaskan di 1 niche yang ga banyak orang berani coba, semiconductor.

Saat udah di batam dan mulai sekolah di sebuah sekolah yang ada ngajarin bahasa mandarinnya (not the vihara btw), gw menunjukan keinginan gw buat pindah warga negara. Since then, perlakuakn mereka beda sama gw.

Gw selalu diexclude dari gathering keluarga, selalu disuruh ke kamar aja, bahkan selalu dijauhin. Even saat ada barang yang hilang, yang pertama di cari itu gw. Di pukul, di maki, itu udah makanan sehari hari gw. bahkan kakak gw sendiri ngebully gw sampe sodara sepupu gw itu udh kayak abang gw sendiri ketimbang mereka.

Pas udah sampe 18 tahun. gw pas bgt dapet beasiswa kuliah di malaysia. akhirnya gw kasitau kalo gw mau pindah ke malaysia. emak gw sampe nangis mohon mohon suruh gw jgn ke sana. apapun tapi jangan ke luar negeri, tapi gw ga gubris. gw blg "I'm giving up my citizenship soon" sama mereka.

Paman gw blg mending jgn, gw ga bergeming. gw blg kalo dia ga mau bantu yowes gw halalkan segala cara buat biar bisa pindah ke malaysia. dan dia terdiam terus ngebantu gw. tpai uang nya gw kasi ke sodara gw juga krn gw udh ga enakan sama dia yg ngebantu gw terus.

Di Malaysia, hidup gw bener bener beda bgt. beda 180 derajat malah. Gw ga dianggap anak buangan lagi, ga dianggap si-lang-kia (anak jahanam), tua-ko-tai (retard), tua-ko-gong (idiot) and so on. Di malaysia, gw merasa bener bener dihargai sebagai seorang mausia. Jadi gw kuliah habis"an. Pagi kuliah, malam part time/freelancing di software engineering.

Saat itu ga banyak yg ngerti soal freelancing dan gw masih ingat bgt dulu gw udh pake freelance dari kenalan" dosen. Disini juga gw kenal si LE (nama disamarkan untuk privasi). wanita yang kelak jadi istri gw cuma karena according to her POV. bokap nya maksain dia sama gw yang tampang nangung. sesuatu yang gw pegang sampe wkt gw ceraikan dia 20 tahun kemudian.

Saat itu. gw udah bahagia bgt, akhirnya ada wanita yang menghargai gw. ada dosen yang selalu mendukung gw, bahkan bos yang baik bgt buat ngeshelter gw pas gw lagi susah"nya wkt itu. jadi gw kuliah bener" berusaha keras. sampe pernah dikata temen temen yang lagi clubbing kalo gw udh terlalu forsir gw sendiri.

Tapi gw ga peduli, utang budi itu wajib dibayar.

Skip di usia 23. gw Wisuda 1 tahun lebih awal daripada cew gw wkt itu dan gw lansung kerja di 1 perusahaan konsultan sebagai engineer.

2 tahun kemudian, gw nikah sama mba ini karena gw udh stabil dan di relokasi ke Penang sebagai lead.

bertahun" setelah itu, gw berjuang melawan otw statelessness gw. dan untungnya nearly bertahun tahun yang lalu. akhirnya kerajaan malaysia ngegrant gw kewarganegaraan Malaysia. itu cara gw bayar utang budi gw ke paman gw yang udah jadi gatekeeper gw selama belasan tahun untuk keluarga gw ga gangu gw selama gw di malaysia.

Setahun kemudian setelah gw jadi WN malaysia, pertama kalinya gw balik ke Indonesia. yang pertama terjadi bukannya diwelcome. tapi dimarahin, apalagi gw nikah nya ga undang mereka (which I intentionaly doing it). dan mereka ngatain gw ga loyal sama keluarga.

Gw balik pun krn demi paman gw jg. kalo ada 1 hal yang gw setuju dair dia, ya bener yang dia bilang. ga ada ortu gw ya gw ga bakal ada di dunia itu. Jadi gw balik ke batam itu for one thing. "return the favor"

abis return the favor. gw balik ke Malaysia lagi. fokus nabugn buat beli rumah dan mobil di batam biar hubungan gw cut clean sama mereka, once for all.

Di tengah gw udh berhasil ngelakukan itu semua. ada sebuah hal yang ga mengenenakan terjadi sama gw.

Gw berkenalan sama bro ini, namanya GX (nama disamarkan). si GX ini is a decent guy, and I had a great terms with him. even venture business together buka perusahaan consulting kecil"an di malacca yang dimana gw di penang dia di malacca. bantu project and all sambil gw kejra di salah 1 semiconductor gede disini.

Terus suatu hari, 4 tahun yang lalu. istri gw hamil (which yes, supposedly to be a happy thing) and temen gw ngebantu bgt. sampe bela"an dateng ke penang for it. gw bersyukur bgt dibantu gitu dikala gw lagi kena covid wave.

Dan lahirlah anak kedua gw, si Ni***e, anaknya cantik kayak mamanya. gw bersyukur bgt sampe gw maafin seluruh keluaga gw saat itu. contradict sama apa yang udh gw nentuin. Pokoknya anak ini 开心果 gw gitu. tentu gw jg ga mau berat sebelah, anak pertama yang pertama gw patting head nya dan pernah bilang, ini adek mu dan kita akan pelan pelan ajak main dengan anak anak kakak gw.

Disitu juga gw deket sama ponakan gw. Which sometimes my sister emotionally blackmail me from that way which I don't like it. dan beruntung ini anak rebel nya bagus bgt, ngebela gw daripada ibunya wkwk. serve that right!

itu 3 tahun paling berbahagia buat gw jujur, si N gw sampe bawa jalan jalan ke jerman pas gw lagi biztrip kesana buat conference, dan pokoknya whatever I give from my son, she had it double without spoiling her karena keduanya gw kasi adil berdasarkan apa yang mereka butuh. Tapi semua nya mulai retak setelah gw ngedengar rekaman cctv soal percakapan dia sama GX. Awalnya gw ga mau percaya

"Ga mungkin kan si N itu anak nya GX?"

Jadi gw cuek" aja. anggap itu bercandaan karena mood gw terlampau asik. apalagi semenjak putri gw lahir, gw selalu senyum" happy sampe 2 2 nya gw bawa makan enak. and fyi, by I mean makan enak. its something like baskin robins.

beberapa tahun kemudian, Disitu juga gw nemuin icloud gw abis reconnect sama istri gw. bukti rekaman ngentot dia sama GX.

Kata" nya pun bener bener menyayat gw bgt. gw dikatain titid kecil (which obviously not), dikatain creepy face karena gw baby faced, dikatain gw selalu memperkaos dia. and many more.

If i want to say one thing honestly, I will tell you the night we do it, you are willing for it and i'm not the person you can lie easily in psychology.

Disitu gw retak bgt. dan akhirnya gw nemu hidden document lagi.

Si N itu bener bener anaknya si GX dan gw juga nemu chat kalo si GX bilang gw bodoh. bilang gw bodoh karena mempercayain istri gw ke dia.

Malam itu juga gw bener" netes bgt. tapi anak putri gw juga ga ada salah. she is born without getting consented. gw udah terlanjur sayang bgt juga sama ini anak krn dia yang membuat senyuman gw cerah lagi saat gw lagi bener bener di lowest point of my life.

Besoknya, gw beli sebungkus rokok, pergi ke jembatan wisata di sebuah tempat di butterworth. gw merokok sambil mandangin langit. gw balik lagi ke lowest point of life gw. Rasanya, dunia ini sengaja ngetroll gw ntah karena apa di past life gw.

Gw hampir kepikir mo loncat aja and end my life that time. But my other side held me. meingatkan gw sama senyuman si N lagi. this time i really cried silently.

I literally humiliated for decades by my own family. Thinking Leaving to malaysia will end this. but I only see the newer version of this.

I decided to tell the truth to my son. he was furious and about to kill GX after hearing what I said (yes. this son of mine inherited his mom's hyper confrontative nature and my unhinged side). even called me stupid for trusting my family again. I hugged him and tell him that we can't let N know this, she is the one who will devastated the most. we must hands on hands together.

I told him, From now on. no more mother of her. They may be your mother. but they ain't your mommy. The next word he said really jumps me back.

A teenager nearly young adult, literally told me that he never took his mom seriously, because he saw me as both his buddy and his dad. and that broke me so much that I decided to call my friend who is a lawyer later.

I told him to pack his things and act normal.

So she returned, we all act normal. she asked am I crying? I said I cried out of happiness coz I rose as a senior manager (which actually yes in a week ago. i havent told her about it that time).

And finally. i went to the lawyer office next day. show everything and he said this can do another malaysian law that allows us to divorce without consent (cerai sepihak) because this is really severe enough. even I can sue GX for embelzzement too because he found one.

So I made one very simple thing to do after we prep the letters.

I bring GX and my wife for tea talk as usual at my house during night time (my children witness it inside their room. but i told my son to play with N and make sure she is distracted and he knows what I mean).

We had a chat. until I dropped the bomb, i give her a divorce letter. and it was cerai sepihak one. I told her to stay away from NS and NE from today on. this hour by showing restraining order to her and GX.

She was shocked, GX too. and I told GX to shut up because this is related to him too. He was furious (ofc) and he was about to threat me for suing me at kidnapping.

Thats where I drop second bomb, their sex tape and the all evidences of his embelzzement. I told GX I don't need our ventures since I have something more valuable than what he give me. And I thanked him either for taking my second handed cloth away.

Then I hand over a letter of eviction for my ex wife. i told her, i give her 3 months. find a proper rent and i immediately took all of the shared savings we made as in prenup agreement, we already said that if one of us cheat, the victim will get entire shares of asset and savings and custody is fully belongs to the victim. So she better sign it before things getting very ugly real fast.

GX said that daughter is his and I don't have a right to take it. That's where my son is snapped and was about to beat this guy up. He literally walk out and about to beat him but i don't let my son attack him. I just hold him and said that its not worth it to deal with scum.

So I took everything out and we move out that night. I give her three months delay. if within 3 months she hadnt settle it, then I will call authority over.

That time. I learn that I can't longer trust anybody but my own kids and people who knows me well...

To fellow r/pria, find a woman who you can talk with. or better not having one at all. That matter the most.

Disclaimer: bentuk apresiasi ya bukan yang lain lain. kayak ada temen satu sirkel gw bawain bunga ke cosplayer fav dia.

So, start from me:

Ada suatu hari gw akhirnya bisa ketemu cosplayer favorit gw setelah mantengin 4 tahun di layar doank sambil konsisten keluarin 20-30rm sebulan buat support di patreon dia.

dan yang gw kasi: handmade chesscake, powerbank dan sebungkus salonpas. karena di postingannya 2 hari sebelum event. dia literally bilang butuh itu.