Terminex pretends to check my traps, which would be fine if I were paying them pretend money. I'm ready to shell out for a new contract with a company that actually does the work.
Help.
Never in my life have I seen lightning like that. It was absolutely huge, blindingly bright, and arced horizontally across the sky. Smaller lightning bolts starting branching off it, but even those were enormous. That was nuts.
I'm torn between:
Deaf insomniac musician who bought a new drum set + amp + electric guitar when I was postpartum and suggested I leave my house to "run some errands" so he could play at his preferred volume whenever he wanted. (That did not happen).
Trash monsters who threw piles of dirty oyster shells and old leftovers into my recycling bin in August because my trashcan, which they also liked to toss food into, was full. I think they had a nice time cleaning their cans, lawn, and cars though. They certainly made a lot of excited noises while doing it.
Anycrap, who's your worst?
I'll start.
Bourbon Street Zipline Co. d/b/a Sip 'n Zip, LLC.
Cost: $35/zip with 1 free drink per zip. (10% suggested tip).
Business plan: change name to Josh Bruno, enjoy absolute immunity. If business fails, employ Motwani method (🔥🏬💵).
Give me your bad ideas.
The oaks are done shedding, the buck moth caterpillars are in their dumb pupae (link below for the curious), and your gutters are full. You might as well get it done while it's still nice outside.
Semi-related: what are my odds of training the crows in my backyard to clean my gutters? I figure with enough peanuts and boiled eggs, I could get these jerks to do something other than scream at me and attack other nesting birds.
You can drop them off in my yard. You can't get hantavirus if you don't have mics and rats. Plus, I'm tired of the sparrows thinking they're untouchable.
Anyway, here are some facts about rat snakes.
Myth: Rat snakes hunt in packs in order to overcome their prey.
Fact: A single rat snake is capable of disabling an SUV owner on its own.
Myth: Rat snakes hunton the ground.
Fact: Rat snakes are expert climbers, so you're more likely to see one above you than by your feet. Or at eye level. The point is that they're great at climbing, they love their hidey holes, and they hunt little creatures that live all around us.
Myth: Rat snakes are rare.
Fact: They're fucking everywhere, you guys. They're super common.
Myth: Rat snakes are closely related to water moccasins.
Fact: Scientists recently discovered through advanced mucosal analysis that water moccasins' closest evolutionary relative is Jeff Landry.