Opportunity to confront abuser
I have a meeting that I set up (okay, kind of blackmailed my way into) with my high school abuser.
He was 38. I was 16 when he started grooming me. He was my boss and knew I was a vulnerable youth.
I have found myself living back in my hometown for the past year. I dread running into him. Every time I see someone who might be him my stomach drops, my heart races, and I get a rush of adrenaline.
I’m tired of it hanging over me. I told him we’re getting this out one way or another and that he had 24 hours to respond or I would take him down.
We are meeting tomorrow. I am taking someone along for safety.
I have known for so long that I would need to do this someday. But now I just don’t even know what to say to him. I really just want to listen. I want to know what this was from his perspective. I want to know what went on behind the scenes that everyone “protected” me from.
I don’t know if I want an apology. I want an EXPLANATION because it’s impacted me all these years. And I’m 38 this year and I just CAN’T understand.
And I want to yell at him and belittle him just a little and ask what the actual fuck is wrong with him. I want to make him DEEPLY, DEEPLY UNCOMFORTABLE and watch him squirm.
Anyway. This just felt like the place I wanted to send this out into the universe. Please send me courage and strength.
And if you have any suggestions for amulet friends to take along or protective/veiling beforehand please let me know. And if you have more mundane tips on what to ask or talk about or say please let me know. I doubt I will get or even want this opportunity again. I need to get it all out there.