Staying or finding another church
Hello :) I wonder if anyone will read this and send me any wise words. I am for real struggling with this silly thing I am about to describe:
For the last 1.5 years, I have been going to a small nondenominational church (less than 50 people typically) with a pastor who says he is reformed baptist but… he’s dispensational. Almost everyone else is also dispensational, except me, and the one other person of the same mind as me (amillennial), left half a year ago for job reasons. The more I have looked into eschatology, the more I have begun to pick out different ways of interpreting passages, and these differences are injected into seemingly unrelated topics with a lot more frequency than I ever thought.
I love the church fellowship, but I have increasingly found difficulty with sitting through sermons. I used to attend more things at church led by the pastor (like bible study) but have decreased my attendance in hopes of lessening my sensitivity and triggers lol. I’ve really tried to pray to God to give me a more gracious and patient heart and to take away my own pride.
I have told my pastor about my struggles in this topic (as well as some older folks in my small group) multiple times, asking for peace, but he doesn’t really have a pastoral interest/answer. He recommended me to read a book by Vlach on Israel, lol. Pastor is mostly interested in preaching and teaching his POV, lol. I have no idea how he turned (this past Sunday) Acts 1:5-8 into a defense on dispensationalism (which he actually did, saying it was not a creation by Darby, that Spurgeon believed in a revival, etc, etc). By the grace of God, I did not leave mid-sermon. That was a real temptation.
I have been praying to God asking Him if I should be looking for another church. Thing is, I really do love the fellowship. The hymn singing and no drums worship delights me. My previous long term church did not preach the gospel so well, though they were bigger and actually did missions (my small church does not). I love the people. I am just increasingly annoyed by the preaching and various other things.
When I share this topic of dispensationalism to a few friends outside of my church (who attend other non-dispensational churches) they always ask me why this one ‘secondary’ topic is so important to me. Haha. It just is. And despite prayer, I continue to struggle with it for much too long.
Should I keep praying and struggling? Or do I start the difficult task of looking for another imperfect church? I’m afraid I might stop attending any one altogether.