u/printedpatience

Wanted to ask for some advice for how to best navigate home care for my mother (69 years old). My mom was diagnosed just over 4 years ago and has endured resection and many rounds of chemo/radiation. She was doing okay for a couple years but was told her cancer was back about a year ago. Since then, she has had some functional decline but things got really bad in January of this year. She is not completely incontinent, has limited ability to stand and walk on her own (changes each day), and has some pretty intense delusions/mood swings. I live in a neighboring city due to school and my 72 year old father is her primary caretaker. I’m visiting and caring for her as often as I can, especially given her recent decline in function. She’s currently receiving avastin infusions to reduce brain swelling. Right now, my father is really struggling to care for my mother. we have nurse aides who come 2-3x per week to help with bathing. It’s been a fight to get any more help in the home, but my father really can’t handle lifting her on his own. Every time I bring up increasing days/hours of home care or hospice, my mother becomes explosive, incredibly aggressive, and difficult to redirect. My mom made it clear early in her diagnosis that she wanted to
stay at home, but i’m concerned that my dad isn’t able to give her the care she needs. I want to respect my promise to her but I also want her safe and comfortable. Mainly posting to get input on peoples’ experience with caretaking and decision around initiating hospice. Since she’s getting avastin, I don’t think she’s hospice eligible. But I also wonder if the avastin is improving her quality of life or prolonging her suffering. Ugh. This disease is truly so terrible and I hate how so many memories of my mother are clouded by her battle with cancer. No decision feels like a good one, but i’m hoping to find the least bad one. any advice is welcome, i’m in my 20s so none of my friends have any advice or understand what this is like. thank you for reading