Quitting
I guess the point of this post is to help me organize my thoughts but hopefully, (maybe) my ruminations on my experience can help someone else.
I am 5 years into a PhD in a biology related field in the US. When I first got into my program, I was so happy. I was working hard, and although it was early on, by coming in on weekends and staying late I was able to generate some pretty interesting data. I guess the point of this is to say that I was excited and I cared about the work. When my PI asked me why I joined, i told him what i believed, that i thought our work could help improve food security.
Things shifted after the first year. I moved to a remote research station and started working on a related but different project. Then a family member fell and after a lot of trial and error, the cause of the fall was determined to be an ALS related disease called PLS.
I had always been a pretty good student and a diligent worker but that has completely changed. I miss deadlines, I can’t concentrate, my sleep schedule is fucked. I recognize that maybe this is indicative of mental health issues, but I’m not sure how it can be fixed. I think my problems stem from not being able to assist my family as I’m alone and about 20 hours driving from them.
I just feel lost. My advisors are rightfully upset with my declining performance, and when one asked on how I plan to change, I didn’t have an answer. The only change I think is actionable is to remove myself from the situation.
I feel lost right now. On one hand, I have just wasted 5 years of my life for a masters degree, that I don’t intend to use and this isn’t a great time to be out of a job. On the other, I no longer see any future in research for me. (This is a little jaded and I hope that this is just my experience) it’s not like PhD’s make a ton of money. And it’s not like the US treats its scientists with loads of respect.
So I think I am making the best decision for myself in leaving to go spend some time with family and be a bit more available to help.
If you’ve made it this far, any comments about opportunities for someone with a BS in plant science or general advice on how to proceed would be greatly appreciated.
TLDR: I’m leaving my PhD 5 years in to go be closer to family and be able to assist them. I am scared and feel lost, but I think this is the best decision for me.