Struggling with feeling like I’m putting things on
I am a 24 year old woman and I sometimes really struggle with feeling I am putting on my symptoms. I think this leads back to the fact in school I was a very high achiever and even now I’m considered smart, I remember they randomly had some sit next to me in lessons and gave me assistive materials for my motor skills but they never explained why they felt I needed so I felt very ashamed and embarrassed being in top sets and almost rejected the help like it was question of my intellect if that makes sense?
As an adult who is now diagnosed, I struggle on a day to day basis. There are things I struggle with like motor tasks that require precision , following directions and sequencing and I sometimes feel like it frustrates people around me because they think I’m purposely being incompetent so I can receive help or it’s just downright annoying.
I do try for example, I never used to be able to do my makeup and friends would help but now I’m good at doing to a basic level where I don’t need help with everything. I use a lot of lists to remember things too and I’m better at following google maps , using cutlery and dropping things , bumping into things etc
Nevertheless when I can’t do something or when the emotional side of dyspraxia ( I also might have autism which could explain things) , I think people sometimes have a really adverse reaction which makes me feel really sad and I find it demoralising. I don’t want to be a burden to anyone.
Even when I first found out and would mention it from time to time my friends would laugh at me whenever I mentioned it like I was saying it too much but it was more so I felt like I was finding context to things I have been experiencing my whole life but didn’t know why. It’s not my personality and I really love who I am but it does affect me a lot.
Does anyone have any advice at all?