31 years old and my AMH is 0.6. Retrieval is tomorrow.
My fiancee (30) is a closeted trans woman (not on HRT yet to preserve fertility) and is going through a lot with her identity, and we're not ready for kids yet because of it.
Since I turned 30, I've started to feel my biological ticking clock pretty intensely, and we got fertility testing done for peace of mind while she and I are planning our wedding.
My fiancee's sperm was incredibly healthy. Meanwhile, I had six follicles (total) and an AMH of 0.6.
A few things my doctor told me after receiving these results:
· A low AMH does not necessarily mean infertility. I could still very possibly get pregnant naturally
· AMH rarely fluctuates and only declines with age. I could retest if I wanted, but they always use the lowest result as the baseline.
· I could rest here for years, but there's no way to know for sure.
· Age directly impacts egg quality, and since I'm young, I should still have good quality eggs to preserve.
· I asked her how long I could wait and she said "if your numbers were higher- 1.2 or 2- I'd say you could wait a year........" But they're not.
2026 is a big year for us. My fiancee is working on her PhD in classical archaeology and has a month-long dig in Italy from May to June. Our wedding is in September, and we have a lot of wedding festivies and additional fluff on both ends of it. It would be so much easier if we could wait to get this done, but the number 0.6 just keeps ringing in my head. I know the doctor said it doesn't mean infertility, but it sure sounds and feels like I'm approaching it.
After a few weeks of therapy, long discussions, and lots of tears, we decided to jump on the retrieval procedure sooner rather than later, because our lives were clearly only going to get busier as the year progresses. Unfortunately, this meant that it was going to happen while she was gone for her dig.
She left on Saturday and I've been going through the height of the hormones alone. My retrieval is tomorrow, and thankfully my mom is coming into town today to take me to my proedure, but I cannot help but feel so incredibly alone and scared. And tired.
People also keep congratulating me for going through this?? Like my mom keeps talking about how excited she is for me, and I cannot for the life of me find excitement in this process. It's a lifeline, sure, but not one I thought I would need.
I'm also feeling an intense amount of grief. While my fiancee is very much not ready for kids, I am. At least mentally. I recognize that as partners, we're either both ready or we're both not, but there is a deep part of my soul that is yearning for and grieving the experience of motherhood that I cannot have yet.
It's good that we're doing this. It ensures, as much as it can, that we will still be able to have kids of our own when my fiancee is ready. But holy hell. I am not okay.
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I'm not sure where to throw this in so I'm putting it in after. I also have had an IUD in for 10 years, and therefore haven't had a period in 10 years either. According to all the research, that shouldn't affect AMH or follicle count. But it FEELS like it should and I keep wondering if I should have taken it out before going through this. It's obviously too late now, but it's another thing that's been on my mind.