u/redledbedroom

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Ive DONE things that could be considered hobbies, but I haven't enjoyed them really, I used to make music but only rly did that because I would once in a while make a good song I didn't rly enjoy the process,just the after of making a good song really, and DURING making music alot I would just get mad and hate myself because I felt I sucked. and 99% of my music was just unfinished songs and I'd pretty much every time make a song, never finish it, it would literally be like less than 10 lines long usually. But yeah I would make a song, never finish it, then come back to /relisten to old songs and be like yo this tuff, Ive also tried video games by myself but don't rly actively enjoy them, I mean I have like in a way SOMETIMES but I can only really most of the time enjoy video games when I'm playing with friends or something. Literally all I do all day is, be on my phone, watch short form content, sometimes longer form content, point is there's literally nothing hobby wise I do, other than sit outside by myself sometimes 😭 I am a boring person and don't have much of any hobbies at all, I have no passions, no hobbies, no creativity, I am boring. I occasionally have things or games that peak my interest very briefly but it never ever sticks. Like I am literally boring, I maybe kinda have tried to get into things like video games but like I said never sticks, I can have fun when I'm playing with friends but by myself it doesn't stick really

heart way too hardened, can't have the faith I probably need, he's never like there he won't even give me a sign (but lol how Convinient thats actually bad to ask for) so theres an excuse for his silence, praying is completely uses less, I have anger and stuff in my hardened heart that I can't shake and so its just even further my fault that he's not there, I have difficulty with ADHD and reading the Bible and stuff, so theres another thing thats my fault, I can't feel the emotion that I probably SHOULD, like I feel like I'm just out of luck like I can't feel conviction, I can't feel like an overwhelming love and desire for god but I can't really fix that and so its just according to Jesus and everyone, my fault. and i wanna find him mostly so that I can rely on him and know he's in control, but oh yeah no thats selfish so thats another thing thats my fault. everything is my fault in this lol 😭😭

why is the Ceator of the universe so like hard to get to know, and hard to like actually find and like its just like he doesn't actually care about saving people who are coming to him if they dont meet bare minimum requirements