u/skyfox437

A little bit about me. I believe I was born autistic and was never really able to connect with people really well. My entire life was fraught with mental health issues like ocd and major depression & anxiety. The cream of the crop was that when I tried to treat those issues with medication, things got even worst. I can now barely digest foods without getting brain fog & can barely sleep per night.

You can imagine how all this had affected my ocd. Someone's simple word can turn into a nightmare that can make me over analyze for the entire day. But this is why I turned to Buddhism. Other than kamma, what else can explain my situation? I never asked for this birth nor did I ask for this defective brain.

Anyways, I've started with Buddhism by listening to a Vietnamese teacher online: https://www.youtube.com/@chuaphaptang. It's been over a decade since I've listened to him. I've tried meditation on and off to calm the mind, but nothing worked. Even if I was able to sit for 30-45 mins in silence, the mind would wake up again once I stopped.

One of the things that he told me and it really stuck with me is to go back and re learn what you already know. Depending on your stage in life, your perspective might change. This has proved to be invaluable.

While re-watching one of his older video, something he said changed my perspective that I didn't understand before was this: People who only only do good are simply charity houses, People who practice the dharma daily but don't help beings are cultivators ( nothing wrong with this), People who do both charity and cultivate are Bodhisattva in training. That hit me really hard. All this time I thought I was a good Buddhist by donating and doing charity, without actually putting a lot of effort into my practice, I was wrong. I wasn't even a Buddhist cultivator, not to mention a Bodhisattva in training.

I started taking my practice more seriously. I became more mindful of 4nt and 8fnp. I started chanting Namo Amituofo (namo ai di da phat) at work while working ( I was told to do this by himbefore but didn't think it had any benefit and felt like a hassle).

Well lo and behold. It's only been 2 days and my mind is, for the first time in a long while,has become very stable. I'm no longer fidgeting at work. My anxiety around people had lessen massively. It seems by reciting the verses, my brain had stopped reacting to outside stimulus and thoughts. For the first time, I had true control over it. My skin seems to have gotten better too due to less brain inflammation lol ( not that this is the point).

He had told me long ago about a woman that had issue with extreme anxiety and could not sleep without med. He said her issues were cured when he told her to recite Namo Amituofo continuously during her waking. It apparently healed her mind and allowed her to sleep again. I was very skeptical and did not try it till much later( sounds like voodoo) but here I am.

All this has reinforced my beliefs in the dharma, the Buddha, and the Sangha. No wonder the Buddha said to not believe his words and to see for yourself. The Buddha was right. Even if rebirth did not exist, his method to live still brings the most peace.

I apologize for this long winded post. The reason I posted this was to hopefully give some insight to people who might be going through the same thing. It might seem simple, but it took me over a decade to get to this point due to my own personal issues.