u/ssgb5

I'm at a homestay workaway in North Carolina that I'm having a negative experience at. But at the same time, it's not objectively horrible. Still, I'm considering leaving early because I feel uncomfortable and treated like a second-class citizen here, rather than a guest. I'd like some opinions on the situation and to know if this is normal because this is my first Workaway experience.

I am only in NC until May 20th, and then I fly out to CA to start a new summer job. My host knows this. I was staying with my own family before I started this volunteer job, but my home life was incredibly toxic, and so I had to get out of there. I can't go back. My host also knows this, but it seems like she's not very empathetic or considerate of that fact because she doesn't see me actively falling apart over it.

When I arrived at this Workaway, the host was very nice and so was her family. Her current au pair picked me up and took me to their home. I started work the next day, and my host almost immediately seemed to be breathing down my neck making sure I'm working enough hours a day, which makes me feel surveilled and judged. It's also odd because the host told me my work hours are flexible, yet if she sees me taking a water or snack break, she'll almost always approach me physically or send me a text to passive aggressively get me back to work. On top of that, her ad said I would be working 10-20 hours a week, and that's what I agreed to. But now, she suddenly expects 5 hours a day, 5 days a week. And half the time, it's manual labor, like pulling weeds and assembling furniture with bare hands.

This next thing is what really has me wanting to leave. Her old au pair came to visit yesterday and is staying for the whole weekend because their baby is turning one year old. My host told me this would happen when we FaceTimed to decide whether or not we'd be a good fit. But she made it seem as though me and the au pair would both have a private room in that event and that we'd both have equal rights to housing. She also suggested that we might just be able to share a room. That turned out to NOT be the case!

I am traveling with literally everything I own (two heavy suitcases, and several more heavy bags), and the day before this old au pair arrived, my host texted me that I should move all my things upstairs into the loft where there is no mattress (or even couch) and no door. She wanted me to assemble a new partition to give me some semblance of privacy up there, but I needed her help to complete it. She never helped me make it. She also said she would help me move all my bags upstairs, but she never did. I saw that coming because she never touches heavy things around here, even despite being bigger than me.

So then her old au pair arrived, and naturally, all my stuff was still in the room. I asked the host if I could ask the au pair if she'd be okay with sharing a room, but my host just got bitter and passive aggressive with me, mentioning again and again how "bad" she feels that the au pair doesn't have her own private space... Meanwhile, I'm literally relying on this Workaway position because I'm temporarily in-between housing. I just got out of a traumatic family estrangement and am technically homeless... She KNOWS ALL THIS, and didn't even consider how tone deaf it sounds to guilt me about this au pair having to share a space with me.

So then I wordlessly got kicked out of my room, and I spent last night sleeping on the floor of the loft, with nothing but pillows cushioning it and a heated blanket to keep me warm. One of the host's friends who she invited over yesterday helped set up a partition to give me some privacy from the rest of the house, and I really appreciate that. Her friend clearly felt sorry for me. But this set-up is pretty sad and kind of degrading. The whole family have private rooms upstairs and have to walk by me in order to leave their rooms. The partition is literally almost see-through. And last night, the cat kept coming up to me in my sleep and waking me up.

I genuinely feel like I'm being treated like an indentured servant--one step up from a slave. Because the host is nice enough on paper, but she also treats me like a potential freeloader who should be grateful for the bare minimum (food & housing) even though I'm doing all the work I agreed to do for MORE HOURS than I actually agreed upon. Her family and friends are even nicer to me, but there definitely is a hierarchy in the household where I'm being treated like an appliance rather than a guest. I already felt this dynamic, but it was made worse by the old au pair's arrival. She is treated as blood family--which I understand. I, myself, was an au pair a few years ago. Yes, I am a temporary stranger, but we're both still human beings and are owed basic decency. I was guilt-tripped out of even asking the au pair if it'd be okay to share a room.

I would bring this up to the host, but she seems to obviously have low levels of EQ and not care about me--just the labor I can provide for her. She would certainly accuse me of being ungrateful because they're giving me a roof over my head, free food, and immersing me in their culture. But all of that (apart from the cultural immersion) is LITERALLY part of the exchange for my labor! It's not some extra act of charity coming from the goodness of her heart. I've been quiet up to this point, even though there is tension, because if we get into a fight, I have nowhere else to go right now and only about $100 to spare between right now and my May 20th flight, so I feel stuck.

Please offer thoughts and advice. Is this sort of dynamic normal? Am I being dramatic? What would you advise I do in this situation?