3rd year -recertification fail
Hey guys- I live in a small town less than 1,000 people. I was a lifegaurd for 1 year, manager last year,being pulled from rotation to just be "a manager "..This year I am supposed to be manager, because we lost gaurds i wipl be back in rotation but the issue is I can't get the fricken brick out of 12.6ft.To be fair im not very physically fit, I am a cigarette smoker 33 year old mom that is a closing manager at McDonald's the rest of the year. I knew 2 years ago I wasnt gonna do this again and now Im $260+ in the hole because I can't get into the course cause I can't get the brick. Practice dives I just can't regulate my heart starts palpitations, I literally go into panic.1 time the day I was supposed to get into the class, I dived I had 2 arm motions left i told my self this is it 1 time and I did it, couldn't believe it I had it, I came up and the guard said 20 seconds I kicked and got up and was half way there- I saw i was going crooked like bad I took a hard left at 90degrees some how.. I threw the brick i gave up... I went last night to do practice dives and I send myself into a panic... I dont even wanna do it anymore all these people saying they kjow I can do it just push harder and here I am panicking just typing this out...im sad because I wanted this but I dont want it like this, not to mention the weird shit they got going on with rules and stuff at our pool, it doesn't seem worth it anymore.
I hate quiting, but more than anything I hate failure.
I just had to vent, Thanks for reading if you did