EM Transition / Burnout
I’ve been working as an SWE for 10 years, and an engineering manager for the past year, and honestly feeling a bit lost in my career here.
For about 2 years prior to moving into management, I was hustling at my current company (a large fintech) to move from senior to staff. My promotion was denied twice (still got great performance reviews, financial incentives to stay, etc). I was close to leaving, but upper management told me I only had to tick one additional box to secure my promo. Then my manager left. My director asked me if I would consider a move to management, which I accepted with the caveat that they promote me to a level that is equivalent to Staff. So for the past year, I’ve been working as a manager and if I were to move back to IC, I would be at a Staff level now.
Issue is, I’m feeling demotivated and I’m unsure if I hate the job, the company, or the industry, and unsure what to do next. Currently, I have 8 direct reports, and the amount of technical details I’m tracking across projects is exhausting. Additionally, I live in Ireland and work PST hours a lot, and I’m pretty tired of not being able to get off work until 7-8PM, which is typical ~3-4 nights a week. I tend to work >8 hour days, due to loads of meetings and then also needing time to actually get some stuff done. When I tell my boss the evening meetings are not sustainable, he’s offered me the solution of leaving at 5 and coming back at 10/11PM and taking meetings even later, which honestly to me sounds worse.
Additionally, I find management really lonely, and I miss coffee breaks and just generally office friendship, which I feel I don’t currently have. I have an in-office presence, but typically my day is too full-up of pressure-filled deadlines to leave room for camaraderie (and I also don’t know where to get that as a manager, since everyone I work with reports to me, and the other managers I work with are all PST).
The company has amazing benefits and salary, and I’m a bit scared to leave it in the current job market, and with AI booming. However I also feel way too burnt out to interview. I recently did a full loop with $AICompany and found it exhausting.
I also miss the flow state of focus work, and I think actually doing some day-to-day would be good for me, but feel exhausted at the thought of adding more to my daily job.
I’ve got a bit of money saved up and I’m considering a career break. But I’m worried that my coding skills have rotted, while my management skills are in their infancy. I’m concerned if I leave now, I’m leaving at a weird time in my resume. Has anyone been in a similar position, feeling totally run ragged, and how did you deal with it?