Being a nurse has ruined me
I have been an ER nurse for almost 5 years, with a year of PACU in between and I truly feel like being a nurse is one of the biggest mistakes I have ever made. I have been through a lot in my life, being bullied growing up, abusive relationships and sexually assaulted, family issues/struggles with mental illness- including severe OCD and a suicide attempt when I was 18. I genuinely thought I could help people. I am a good nurse, I pick things up quickly and am thorough, I always try to help my coworkers. I love the critical thinking side of medicine, and always loved to study and enjoyed science/human A&P etc. I used to think people were mostly good, I wasn’t naive per se but now I feel like I automatically assume the worst in people because I constantly see how selfish, entitled and cruel people can be on almost a daily basis. I wake up in panic attacks in the middle of the night, I cry myself to sleep. I barely can take care of myself let alone be a good friend or family member to anyone I love because this job takes everything out of me and then some- and it is still not enough for patients or their horrible family members. I have gained over 60 pounds since I started nursing, I’m now considered obese and I do not recognize the person in the mirror. My hair is falling out. I am constantly overstimulated and quick to anger, when I used to never be an angry person at all. I used to love to go out and see my friends, go to dinner and have a drink or two at the bar and now spend my days off exhausted, my body hurts constantly and I have stomach ulcers/severe reflux from stress. I put my 30 days in and I never want to be a nurse again. I wish I would have never been one. I genuinely think I have PTSD from constantly seeing people die and being cussed out and told how horrible I am every other day for things completely out of my control. I don’t know why i’m posting this here, maybe someone else will see this who feels the same and knows they aren’t alone in it. Thanks for reading this if you made it this far