I think I missed something
This is probably cringe, but whatever. It's been living in my head for years, so here goes.
I think we knew each other around 2010-2012 in Tucson. Honestly, it all kind of blurs together now, so if I have the years wrong, that's on me.
Your name was a three letter name that starts with A and ends with Y
You were dating a friend of mine back then, and I had the biggest crush on you. I never told anybody because... well... what kind of friend does that? Plus I wasn't exactly Mr. Confidence. I was awkward as hell around women and probably looked like I was trying not to make eye contact every time you were around.
I always thought you were ridiculously attractive, but it wasn't just that. You had this tough-girl vibe where you looked like you didn't need anybody's approval. You weren't loud about it. You just had this attitude that made it seem like you could handle yourself, and I thought that was the coolest thing ever.
Then you and my buddy broke up.
I remember thinking, "Well... maybe this is my chance."
Except I did what I always did back then. I overthought everything.
I'd think about messaging you, then convince myself it would be weird. Then I'd decide it wasn't weird. Then I'd wait another week. Repeat that about a hundred times.
By the time I finally got enough courage to actually look you up, you were already with another guy.
I remember being irrationally pissed off about it, not at you, just at myself. Like I had somehow missed the bus because I spent too much time standing at the stop wondering if I should get on.
Life moved on. I'm sure yours did too.
Every once in a while, though, you'll randomly pop into my head. Usually something stupid triggers it, like hearing a song from that time or driving through part of Tucson that reminds me of those years.
Every now and then I'll look you up on Facebook just to see how life's been treating you. Lately it got harder to find your profile, and I noticed your last name changed again.
The first thing that popped into my head was, "Wait... did she get divorced?"
Then immediately after that I caught myself thinking, "Maybe this is finally my shot."
Which is honestly kind of pathetic to admit out loud.
We weren't secretly in love. We never had some almost-relationship. You probably had no clue I was into you at all. We were just two people who happened to know each other because of mutual friends.
Still... I wonder sometimes what would've happened if I'd just grown a pair back then instead of spending months talking myself out of saying hello.
Maybe you'd have laughed.
Maybe you'd have said no.
Maybe we'd have gone on one date and realized we had nothing in common.
Or maybe it would've been something.
I'll never know because I never gave either of us the chance.
So if, by some one-in-a-billion coincidence, you ever read this and remember the awkward guy who was always hanging around with your boyfriend's friends...
Hi.
I hope life's been good to you.
And if it hasn't... well... I'd still buy you a couple drinks and a nice dinner and listen to how things have been.