I want to quit.
I matched into the fellowship of my dreams. the career I wanted to do since I was a teen. the field I cried over, lost sleep over, and spent countless hours of my life on.
i have never felt so small. so little. so dumb. the hours are worse than when I did icu in July as an intern, the attendings are mean and belittling, I feel like I’m just so far behind on everything and have to time to study. I’m exhausted. I sleep a few hours a night, have skipped so many meals I didn’t have time for, I cry almost daily, and I barely see my family.
I know it’s only been like 2 months. but im so tired. and so sad. and so embarrassed. because this is supposed to be my dream. does this get better? cause I can’t see a light at the end of the tunnel. I’m at the point where i wonder I’if quitting would be better for my physical and mental health. Tell me it gets better. Tell me about how your first years were set up.