I’m a straight A student, but I don’t understand what I learned.
If I tell my parents that most of the stuff I learned from school is confusing and have a hard time understanding, they’ll be like “oh but you will figure it out”. No mom and dad, I can’t seem to figure it out. The only reason why I got good grades is because I memorized the words. But do I understand what I wrote? NOPE! I only rely on my good memory to get good grades. I genuinely don’t understand most of the curriculum. It’s hard and confusing. So the only way I could do well is memorize the words and what topic it belongs to. I didn’t know I was at this state until I got my first job. I don’t know how most of the stuff works, so my only solution is to rely on what my colleagues tells me. It’s embarrassing at my grown age, that I have to follow, listen and do what I’m told to do. Naturally, I developed this fear of stuff going out of order. I am now a person who only moves when I’m told to. When I tried to get creative, it always end badly.