I have diagnosed ADHD and depression(no suicidal thoughts) but lately I’ve been wondering if there’s something more going on too (maybe autism overlap, anxiety, alexithymia, etc). I’m trying to understand how my brain works and I want to know if anyone relates to this.
Some things I experience:
My brain never feels “quiet.” I constantly have thoughts, inner dialogue, visual thinking, random hypothetical scenarios, and emotional/vibe-based thinking all at once. ican think visually, verbally, and emotionally at the same time. I overanalyze EVERYTHING, especially people, tones, messages, atmosphere, and behavior changes. Ifeel like I notice people’s moods/vibes extremely deeply, sometimes from tiny things like wording changes or energy shifts. I feel emotions very strongly, but I struggle to explain them or put them into words.When people ask “how are you?” I usually just say “good” even if there’s way more going on internally. During arguments or emotional stress I can completely shut down and lose the ability to speak/form sentences even though my thoughts are still there. I often feel like my brain works fundamentally differently from other people’s. I’m extremely self-aware and aware of my own thoughts/consciousness to the point it sometimes scares me. Sometimes I get hyper aware that I’m literally experiencing reality in first person and it causes existential panic/derealization feelings. My memory is weird: I forget where I put things constantly, but I remember very specific visual details, atmospheres, layouts, or random moments from years ago.i remember things more through “feelings” and visual scenes than facts. struggle starting tasks even when I WANT to do them. ifeel mentally exhausted all the time, but physically “overcharged” at the same time, like there’s electricity/adrenaline in my body. I have constant restlessness and racing thoughts, especially at night.I socialize well at first, especially with new people, but it feels like I’m performing/masking and it drains me fast.
Sometimes I feel like I understand other people emotionally better than I understand myself.
Does this sound familiar to anyone with ADHD, autism, AuDHD, anxiety, alexithymia, derealization, etc? I’m not trying to self diagnose, I’m just trying to understand myself better because my brain feels very intense all the time.