Reading the Pre op MRI/CT results made everything so much more real
I (30f) have a skull base chondrosarcoma (bone cancer) and getting surgery at the end of the month to try to resect it. I knew that it was around critical structures but the MRI/CT results made it so much real how serious the situation is.
My tumor is about the size of a walnut. However, even though it's not a huge tumor, it is growing into multiple critical areas of my skull because of where it is. It thankfully hasn't grown into my carotid artery but it apparently is right up against it and pushing it to the left some. Part of the tumor was grown into the space by my brain stem. It is also growing towards parts that affect my vision and hearing.
My tumor has been growing for 6+ years but it was only identified this year. It was on multiple MRI/CT over the years but no one noticed (a whole other story lol). Any type of cancer is scary even if it's treatable like mine but I think what freaks me out the most is all the what ifs. What if it kept growing into my carotid or started invading my brain stem. What if I didn't notice some of my symptoms or forgot to mention it at a routine neurology appointment. What if my doctor identified it during an MRI in 2020 when it would be easier to remove. I know it's not always good to focus on the what ifs but it kind of feels like when you narrowly miss an accident or if you hadn't overslept you would've been in an unsafe situation at work or in the community. The feeling that something horrible and life altering almost happened to you.
Sorry for the long post but just needed to vent to people who understand. It's hard to process that having cancer at 30 is my reality. I was diagnosed at 29 and it's a weird feeling to know I have had it since I was at least 23 if not before. I am looking for a therapist but it's hard finding one that has experience working with cancer patients.