We gotta talk about TJ
Everyone is arguing about Ashley vs. Alisa or Ashley vs. Alix, but the only person we should be talking about is TJ.
TJ is the center of this family’s universe, and all the women in his life are expected to figure out how to orbit him.
He’s the one who cheated on Alisa, left her for Ashley, and created a second family. Yet somehow he’s also the person who seems to have sacrificed absolutely nothing as a result. He didn’t have to choose between his old family and his new one. His wife, ex-wife, and daughters bear the emotional cost of making that possible daily, while his entire world remains intact.
Alisa has to tolerate being around the woman her husband left her for if she wants to participate in certain family experiences. Alix and Ashtin have to balance loyalty to their mother with maintaining a relationship with Ashley. And if they have an issue with Ashley, their father/manager gets to step in and define what “respect” should look like.
That’s what makes the whole “beautiful blended family” narrative feel so uncomfortable.
The family is organized around the patriarchal assumption that TJ’s relationships are fixed, while everyone else’s boundaries are negotiable.
If Alisa doesn’t want to be around Ashley, Alisa potentially removes herself. If Alix doesn’t want Ashley involved in something, Alix creates the conflict. If Ashley feels excluded, TJ advocates for her inclusion.
But when does TJ have to accommodate anyone else’s boundaries at the expense of something HE wants?
He caused the original rupture, yet everyone else seems responsible for transcending it so that he can continue having everyone he loves gathered around him while making zero concessions himself.