Fear of failure in my IT job
I am a software developer with 12 years of experience and am still working in the IT industry. I want to discuss my problem and mental pattern.
Since I started my career as an IT professional, I have had this problem of fear of failure. Every time a new task is assigned to me, my mind starts making stories about whether I am capable of understanding the problem and whether I will be able to solve it. I am also a very big overthinker and continuously think about my career, my performance, and my future. I keep thinking about changing projects or even changing organizations, although I know that changing projects or organizations is not the solution to this problem.
This pattern continues repeatedly and has disturbed me mentally. My sleep pattern is also disturbed; I never sleep for more than 5 hours, and my libido is also very weak.
Even though I know that this problem is imaginary and there is no connection with reality, this pattern has now become so strong that it breaks me every day. When I look at my teammates, they complete their tasks very bravely, even when they start late. I always start very early so that if I face any problem, I have enough time to try another approach.
Now the problem is getting worse day by day. I am refraining from taking new work in my office and telling them that I am not well. I have continuously been on sick leave, and my mind always thinks about whether the problem with a new task will be clear to me, whether I will be able to fix it, and whether I will be able to complete it on time. I have been on sick leave for the last 60 days and think about this a lot.
One of the main problems is that I am experiencing tremors in different parts of my body. I also experience shortness of breath, tiredness on the left side of my chest, and pain that feels like someone is pressing a needle.
I have also tried meditation, but I get frustrated when fear and other thoughts come into my mind during meditation.
Now I am thinking about what the alternatives are. I have two babies and a wife who always supports me, but still, I am not able to break this mental pattern. Sometimes I am scared that I will develop some heart-related issues because of this.
🙏 🙏 🙏 🙏 Please help me understand how I can get rid of this.
Any suggestions will help.