r/ActualAspies

There's been a noticeable pattern amongst generation Z and alpha, which appropriates labels. As someone who is both asexual and autistic, I've especially seen these parallels in my respect communities. For both asexuality and autism, definitions have become broader, and so much so to that point the original meaning of these labels is erased. Asexuality quite simply explains itself by the name: the lack of any sexual desire or attraction. So-called "sex-favorable asexuals" have taken over the main asexual subreddits and shut out the voices of actual asexuals, pushing themselves into everything. Maybe you've heard one of these people impede and say "well, asexuals can have sex and enjoy it," or some other excuse for their sex lives. These kinds of comments spread misinformation on asexuality and are dangerous to actual asexuals, who will increasingly be confronted with heterosexuals or asexual-masquerading men with a purity fetish trying to coerce actual asexuals into intimacy. The same erasure of criteria has been occurring with autism. Tiktok and other social media influencers have made the definition of autism so blurry that now "everyone is a little autistic." The spectrum—for them—ranges from unable to speak, to perfectly normal, with everywhere in between counting as autistic. Any slight deviation from normal seems to signal to these people that they're autistic. It's the same way that "sex-favorable asexuals" view heterosexuals as libido-filled humans constantly desiring intimacy, and everything outside of that being on an asexual spectrum. The asexual community has had to create a new forum to avoid all of the sex positive talk and comment bashing. In the same way, actual autists have made spaces like this one for diagnosed individuals who get their voices shut down in the main subreddits.

What are your thoughts?

ASD has caused me huge issues with independent thinking, everything I do needs to have a clear step by step scheme because otherwise I am lost. This leads to the fact that all those dream life portrayals just aren't possible for me. I can't get this life changing idea, I can't network effectively, I don't know how to get resources without someone giving them directly to me. I follow the traditional path right now with university but I feel like the only reason for that is just all the issues that ASD gives me. And it doesn't help that around me there are tons of people pushing the "you build your own fate" and "you are responsible for your own achievements" narratives, which both totally ignore the fact that sometimes there legit are people who just cannot actively affect how their life looks, whether it be due to disability or other stuff. I also tried achieving the same things as those successful people do, but it never worked out for me and I could never ever know what went wrong (also possibly an ASD thing).

Just a rant.

and whenever you say anything about self diagnosis that these people dont like they will just straight up attack you

I've struggled with depression on and off since probably he beginning of my teens, majority of it to varying degrees. I'm about to turn 22 soon and I feel like I've lost how invested I would be in things, how everything would revolve around something. I can occasionally get hyperfixations, or and interest in something to a degree, but it doesn't last long, and when it's quickly gone I feel really empty again... And have to hope I find something that sparks a bit of drive in me again even for a little.

I know having special interests could negatively impact me but I really miss the experience still regardless, as it feels like a piece of me missing now and I find myself honestly grieving it 😥

I'm unsure if the various treatments I've had for mental illnesses played at least a role in this happening, but I don't know, I guess I kind of wanted to vent about it, and if be interested in knowing if anyone else has experienced similar.