r/AddictionAdvice

I truly need your advice!

Backstory: My BFF relocated to the USA about 3 years ago. We speak every week, we make sure to keep each other informed of our lives and we see each other at least 1x a year.

Around 1,5 years ago, my friend confessed to me that in their quest to build a new life and make friends they started using cocaine at parties. It was phrased as "not a big deal" and "everyone does it" ..

At that time, I leveraged all my influence and pull that I had to make them realize that a grown adult nearing their 40s(!) has no business doing cocaine what so ever.

And for the longest time, that seemed to be enough.. or so I thought.

Then this happened in the last 24 hours:

My friend is on a remote working trip in Brasil,

In a bizarre coincidental way, they shared a meme with me on instagram about drugs and I responded in quite a straight way with: You better keep that out out of your life.. to which they responded that they where...

fast-forward a few hours:

middle of the night for me, my phone starts to ring from a number I dont recognize and it keep on ringing. So at some some point I pick up and its my friend crying hysterically on the phone because they got robbed... (they are calling me using a random persons phone), they got injured, its a complete and total mess...

As the hysteria calls down a bit, I find out that they where doing " a lot of cocaine" and that they shouldn't have done that and because of that they got themselves in a lot of trouble etc etc...

And so whilst over the past few hours we got the situation fixed, got them a ticket home for tomorrow etc.. the emotion I feel, the disappointment I feel, the twist in my stomach that I feel that my friend...Whom I respect, look up to and love

I just cannot believe, nor understand, that cocaine has seemingly become a regular thing in this persons life, to the point where they travel they are looking to use it..

So what do I do? Can I do something? I know they respect their parents beyond anything else and I thought about speaking to them.. but I know that if I do and they find out: our friendships is completely over and done with..

What complicates things is that I was about to buy a ticket and spend vacation days to go and visit them.. and I feel TERRIBLY nervous that during my visit I might be put in a situation that I dont ever want to find myself in

If it was any other person there would be NO way, ever, Id get on a plane knowing drugs where an active part of their life...

So what do I do? Can I do something? Do I reach out the parents? Cancel my trip?

Do I do nothing and just remain a supportive friend from afar...

Please, if you have any idea, input... I truly value it

I (33F) live with my parents, my Dad (61M) and my Mom (64F). I also believe my dad is an alcoholic, but a high functioning one, my mom on the other hand is what worries me. My whole life both of them drank beers after work, everyday and on fridays they did drink more and on the weekends the drinking started earlier (that’s still my dad’s routine because he hasn’t retired yet).

Now, my mom retired a few years ago, but her drinking wasn’t so bad. She would maintain the drinking to the evening and would do a 100 days sober every year. Well, this year she hasn’t done her sober days yet, usually she does one during Lent, the 30 days in august and another 30 on november before the holidays. This year she also started drinking a lot earlier, like 11am, she pauses for a bit and at 4  or 5 pm she starts again.

She says she’s not exaggerating because she drinks light beer (with a lower alcohol percentage), but does it make a difference when you basically drink all day? And, she hides the empty can around the house, which for me has to mean something, why hide if you aren’t exaggerating? I have talked to her about it a bit and she said that at the moment she needs the beer to feel better and less stressed; her mother (my grandma) has Alzheimer's and it’s been getting worse and it’s putting a stain on the family, my mom goes take care of my grandma every month for 10 days, and then she comes back.

Lately, she has been forgetting things we tell her, she has a shorter temper with me and my dad, and our dogs. She hasn’t been physical with me or my dad, but she has hit the dogs more than once. A few weeks ago I told her that she’s been drinking too much and she told me to “mind my fucking bussiness.”

So, basically she won’t admit she has a problem, and refuses to go to therapy because “they ask asinine questions.”  I don’t know what to do, I’m studying to get a public service job, and I am honestly scared to leave them alone when I get this job and have to move to another city (no, I can’t not move, the job is in a specific city). My dad doesn't day drink (yet), but I am also scared that once he retires he’ll start as well. And I haven’t talked to my dad about my mom’s drinking, but I plan to, I just need to gather the courage, not that I think it’ll make a difference if he talks to her, because she doesn’t admit she has a problem.

If you have any advice it would be welcomed, because I’m truly at a loss. Also, I don’t live in the US, just in case you want to send resources, I’m from Brazil.

Also posted on r/TrueOffMyChest