So I made this comic based on their idle animations, I just couldn’t stop thinking about a scenario in which Alhaitham steals Kaveh’s keys lol

Oh also btw if anyone wants to be friends and nerd out about genshin pls let me know as I’m pretty new to the fandom and feel lonely hahaha

>!context if anyone's not updated - this is the moongazers quest from like today. i was gagged by this mention mid playthrough.!<

>!nice to see paimon appreciates his role in her studies:)!<

>!also text if img turns out bad-->!<

>!Paimon : "To Mr. Alhaitham - thank you for your contributions to Paimon's studies," or something like that...!<

>!Traveler : You've written a thank-you message before, Paimon?!<

>!Paimon : Paimon saw one on Alhaitham's desk! One of his students must have written it.!<

>!Traveler : Then who left this message?!<

>!then like they talk about shit and have an epic times chase sequence with cool music. spoiler warning tho, i actually unironically liked a lot of this quest bro eggie's TOO CUTE and the lore is scary af. top 5 reccomended fs.!<

POV: You just asked Alhaitham for the 4th time today why he isn't in Ravenclaw.

Stop sorting Alhaitham into Ravenclaw. He would unironically file a formal complaint against the Bronze Eagle knocker on day one.

At first glance, Ravenclaw seems like the obvious choice, given its reputation as a sanctuary for hyper-intellectual scholars. However, if we deconstruct the core mechanics of the Wizarding World through Alhaitham’s cognitive filter, Ravenclaw reveals itself as his absolute logistical nightmare.

Let's start with that infamous Bronze Eagle knocker. To even enter his own common room, Alhaitham would be forced to solve metaphysical, pseudo-philosophical riddles like, “Which came first, the fire or the ash?” every single day. While an abstract idealist might find this intellectually stimulating, a hardcore pragmatist like Alhaitham would view it as nothing more than a logistical bottleneck—an unnecessary cognitive strain after a grueling day of classes, directly encroaching on his sacred, uninterrupted downtime.

The fact that the door yields to arbitrary, abstract leaps of logic (as Luna Lovegood proved) means Alhaitham would instantly despise the sheer unpredictability and systemic inefficiency of Ravenclaw’s security protocol.

Furthermore, Ravenclaw’s culture of endless academic debate would cause him immense sensory and cognitive fatigue. Ravenclaws don't just pursue knowledge; they often weaponize it to flex intellectual superiority, wasting an absurd amount of energy on performative intellectualism. Their debates are rarely about the pure pursuit of truth; they are exercises in vanity.

This aligns perfectly with Genshin Impact lore, where Alhaitham explicitly condemns Sumeru’s Akademiya scholars for chasing empty academic prestige, calling it “inefficient and trivial.” His core philosophy is simple: why waste finite energy on people who are fundamentally incapable of being convinced? The thought of spending his nights trapped in a tower full of pretentious teenagers arguing over semantics would inevitably drive him to put on his soundproof noise-canceling earpieces—and completely tune them out.

Now, let's look at the other houses through his lens.

Gryffindor is chronically intoxicated by its own brand of righteousness. They force everyone to feed into their collective hero complex, and anyone who refuses to play along faces immediate social ostracism. To Alhaitham, Gryffindor isn't heroic; it is an insufferably loud, irrational, and exhausting den of ideological zealots.

Slytherin, on the other hand, approaches human relationships through a strict cost-benefit analysis. Their baseline setting for human interaction is purely transactional, dictated by a single question: “How useful is this person to my power and ambition?” To Alhaitham, this transactional reduction of human worth is tiresomely superficial. He is far too self-contained to willingly step into a political meat grinder just to end up as someone else's pawn.

Which leaves us with Hufflepuff—and honestly, it's a perfect match. Just look at its entrance mechanic, which demands tapping a barrel to a fixed, immutable rhythm—the exact cadence of “Helga Hufflepuff.” Sure, failure means getting drenched in vinegar. But as long as you abide by that clear, objective rule, you gain frictionless entry into your personal sanctuary. This mechanical predictability, blissfully devoid of arbitrary riddles or human variance, is the exact sensory-safe, administrative utopia Alhaitham’s cognitive filter craves.

Above all, the student body of Hufflepuff consists of inherently transparent, wholesome individuals. It is a house full of chill, low-maintenance classmates—or a sanctuary of peaceful Aranara, if you will. Their foundational motto of equity and inclusivity is beautifully embodied in the Sorting Hat's song: “I'll teach the lot, and treat them just the same.”

While Gryffindors chase chaotic incidents for heroic glory, and Slytherins concoct insidious schemes for status, Hufflepuffs completely opt out of these exhausting social games. They don’t rank people by intellect like Ravenclaws; instead, they quietly dedicate themselves to tangible, pragmatic pursuitslike Herbology and Care of Magical Creatures.

Hufflepuffs are the exact type of people who would implicitly respect Alhaitham’s boundaries, leaving him to his own devices and letting him retreat into a corner with his soundproof noise-canceling earpieces. This tranquil environment, utterly free from social imposition, hypocrisy, or intellectual provocation, is the ultimate sanctuary for him to preserve his daily routine.

The moment the Sorting Hat touches his head, it would immediately register his staggering intellect, preparing to bellow “RAVENCLAW!” But within that split second, Alhaitham would execute a frame-perfect cost-benefit analysis, weighing Ravenclaw's intellectual vanity against Hufflepuff’s supreme efficiency. He would firmly override the system and command the Hat: “Hufflepuff. It is the only house that guarantees an acceptable baseline for my after-hours quality of life.”

TL;DR:

• Ravenclaw is a logistical nightmare of inefficient riddles and pretentious, ego-stroking debates that would drain his energy.
• Hufflepuff’s entrance protocol is 100% predictable, and its students are peaceful, low-maintenance classmates who mind their own business.
• Alhaitham would min-max his Hogwarts life, override the Sorting Hat, and choose Hufflepuff solely to protect his after-hours quality of life.

I know some of you will still try to argue for Ravenclaw. I wrote this mostly as a fun, lore-backed thought experiment, but as Alhaitham once said: “Why waste finite energy on people who are fundamentally incapable of being convinced?”

I'm putting on my soundproof noise-canceling earpieces now. Peace out.

🎧 “Stealing this for your social media content without credit? Illiterate behavior.” — Alhaitham, probably. Do not repost without proper credit to u/CosmicElmo.

My Al Haitham has 299 EM and currently holds HoD and has a Crit rate 75% and Crit dmg 199,5%.