r/Apothisexual

It sometimes feels like “aroace” gets interpreted as “doesn’t experience romantic/sexual attraction, but is otherwise assumed to be totally comfortable with romance and sex” rather than…actually paying attention to what the character does and how they actually react in relation to sex and/or romance

And obviously aroace people can be sex favorable, sex indifferent, sex averse, or sex repulsed. But when a character is explicitly aroace, fandom often seems to default to: “Okay, they don’t feel attraction, but they can still totally be written into sexual/romantic situations!”even when the canon characterization is more like: “This character repeatedly demonstrates zero interest/disgust/aversion in this entire category of thing. Please stop putting them in it.”

I guess I just notice a weird tendency to treat lack of attraction as the only meaningful part of asexuality/aromanticism. So if canon doesn’t explicitly say “I dislike sex”,* *people can act as though sex-favorable is the default interpretation, despite being clear that it is not the case in canon

I think that the frustrating part to me is that the distinction between:
“This character is aroace, and I headcanon them as sex favorable.”
and
“This character is aroace, I headcanon them as sex favorable/comfortable with sexual situations unless canon explicitly says otherwise, even if their actions/reactions point to disgust/distress/etc.”
is becoming harder and harder to separate by the day…

I got introduced to Sleep Token by a friend, and really liked their songs. I'm someone who finds the music of a song more appealing than the lyrics.

I always have the explicit content filter turned on on Spotify and I didn't realise some of the lyrics described physical intimacy until I googled the lyrics.

Strangely enough, I didn't feel repulsed even by those nuances, as much as I felt repulsed by other songs that don't necessarily have explicit content but have those implications, for example, 'Take Me to Church'. Don't get me wrong, I have absolutely nothing against homosexual or homoromantic or other queer people, and I absolutely love Hozier and most of his other songs, but I felt uncomfortable while listening to this one.

Has anyone else felt this way to similar music?

I don't understand how so many people normalize abuse—any kind of abuse, even psychological.

I don't understand why, when they see someone comfortable with their apothisexuality—or asexuality in general— People tell you in a strange tone of voice, "Sooner or later you'll have it and you're going to like it," or "That's what I thought, too—now I can't live without it." “Whether you like it or not, it's going to happen.” EW, What is that?! A threat?!

I hate it when people say an asexual person is "in denial."

Why is there such an obsession with convincing them to do something they never want to do?! They don't want to see it, hear about it, or anything!

It’s seriously terrifying when people say, "Well, we all go through that; sure, it’s abuse and it’s wrong, but sex is going to happen whether you want it to or not." WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?! IT’S SCARY—IT’S WORRYING.

I don’t want sex

I don’t want any kind of abuse—in any form!

And I don't want anyone to go through that either!

When a story about abuse comes up on the news or in any media outlet, how can you not get angry?! I hate the way people are treated so cruelly!

Whenever I want to talk about these topics, I just get responses like, "Well, that sucks, but since it’s not happening to me... life goes on." WHAT?

"That excessive empathy is going to kill you; just ignore it."

"ugh I don't know where you came from; nobody around here is like that...." Wtf....

That reminded me of an argument I had with an allosexual person who eventually shouted, "I DON'T CARE ABOUT PEOPLE! I CARE ABOUT WHAT GIVES *ME* PLEASURE AND WHAT SICKENS ME—AND PEOPLE LIKE YOU SICKEN ME. THAT'S WHY YOU END UP ALONE AND BITTER; YOU'RE JUST A MINORITY, I DON'T CARE ABOUT A SMALL MINORITY OF BITTER PEOPLE" Oh my God... She was that kind of person...And unfortunately—and biologically—we are blood relatives....ew

When I try to get emotional support because something scares me—like these kinds of topics—my family ignores it; they say I’m overreacting and tell me to go do something else.

I say, "I don't want to! It scares me to think I’ll be forced into something I don't want! I don't want children! I don't want sex! Why do people want to force others to do things they don't want to do?! It's disgusting! It's cruel! It shouldn't be normalized! " My chest hurts, my heart is pounding so hard I can hear it clearly, and my body is trembling and tensing up! I feel so much anger, too!

But they just reply, "Well, just don't have them, then! Stop making a fuss—just don't leave your room, and that's it!"

Am I trying to tell you that I'm scared and want support, only for you to tell me to isolate myself....?

Even so, I don't view my apothisexuality as a curse or anything like that—not at all. I’m glad I discovered that I’m apothi and that I enjoy soft romance.

Very few fanfics or stories are like that—completely free of sexual content—but when you find one... one that’s well-written and devoid of all that trash... it’s truly enjoyable! It proves you don't need anything risqué to make a story good!

I've wanted to socialize, but...

I don't know; I know that the only person who truly knows what I like, who I am, and who will love and respect me exactly as I am, is myself.

But I really don't know if I'll be able to find someone nice to talk to every now and then—ideally someone who is apothisexual too.

I like being alone; I've learned to enjoy my own company, but I don't like that feeling of isolation. I'm afraid to think that I'll talk to someone and it'll go wrong

I just want to feel safe and confident enough to speak freely, talk about topics I like, and learn new things, like a language or something like that....

There's nothing wrong with me; apothisexuality—or asexuality in general—isn't a mistake, an illness, or anything like that at all... but there are times when I feel tired, very, very tired....

I don't want to be on high alert all the time

When I have intrusive thoughts and that fear that makes my chest hurt and my heart beat very erratically, I don’t know how to calm myself down or steady myself. I want someone to help me with that, but since I know there’s no one there and it’s just me

I end up pressing my hands against my chest or hugging myself tightly. I don’t know why, but the pressure makes me feel a little better, and I end up falling asleep

I just imagine a sweet romance, where there’s mutual validation and emotional support—nothing sexual—where we protect each other, take a peaceful walk somewhere, with no fear, and talk about simple things like “What’s your favorite fruit?” or “Hey, would you like to watch a movie?” “Would you like to cook something together?” or getting to know each other’s love languages—for me, physical contact is limited to hugs and holding hands

But no matter what they say, no matter how hard they try to argue, I don't see anything negative about apothisexuality or asexuality in general; I am not, nor do I have, a curse, they can't make asexuality seem like a bad thing

I think I might be apothisexual so I wanna some of you guys’ signs of how you realized you’re apothi?

I feel like all I am is a minority. Almost like Im an alien from a different planet trying to fit in and pretend I belong here. Repulsed asexual, demiromantic among other smaller labels, agender, autistic and a handful of mental health issues. I feel like my life is on hardcore mode. Im legit the person who gets told to pick a struggle.

I know theres no real meaning or explanation as to why we are all on this planet but damn do I feel like I actually have no real reason to have been born in this place. So many ppl can relate to each other or have an easier time finding ppl that can relate unlike someone like me. I have a handful of very sweet friends and I’m so grateful for them however it does make me sad that they will never truly understand how I feel no matter how badly they want to. Loneliness is not only the lack of ppl for me but more so the lack of anyone that is in the same boat as me. I mean I had never even met an asexual naturally before I actually went out of my way to do so and even then we never seemed to click, and even when we did they disappeared after a while.

I wanna date so bad and while also being biromantic my chances should technically be higher since I genuinely don’t care about anyones gender or honestly looks but I still have no one I can call my partner. Ppl will get crushes on me and I will feel guilty and almost angry at the thought that, I could technically easily get a partner but that if i do, it wont last long like I want it to. Ive been meaning to actively start looking for ppl but I’m afraid that it wont work out and that ill waste my time and get heartbroken. But by far I’m most afraid that ill look for ppl and then find nobody and my last bit of hope will be gone. I hate that I want a partner so badly when it feels like I genuinely don’t deserve one with all the stuff I got going on.

I seem to be unloveable no matter how hard I try to compensate for being asexual. And yea I get that just bc ppl love each other it doesn’t mean it will work out and that, thats not a reflection of me as a person or my value but damn. The amount of times I’ve been told “ud make a perfect partner if u would be fine with doing the deed” is honestly insane. How can one not internalize this when it is seemingly the truth?

I have a friend who's 17, and he's apothisexual and experiences severe dysphoria which affects how he's able to interact with the world. The last server we were both in ended up having people not listen to the fact he is technically a minor with triggers involving any mentions or details of sex, not only explicit stuff. He hasn't been able to find any other servers that don't have people constantly talking about it, and I'm one of his only friends. This is affecting him socially and Idk how I can help. Does anyone know of any servers that would allow him in that don't mention anything sexual or romantic or with relationships (other than friendships)? He's chill with violence and other technically nsfw topics that don't involve relationship stuff. Is this even the right place to post?

Tl;dr, I have a 17 yr old friend who needs a disc server where ppl won't talk about sex even tho it's sfw. Does anyone have or know of a server he could join?