I'm so tired.
Almost- if not everything- has sexual content or innuendo or something sexual in it. Music, games, books, movies, shows, literally every piece of media. I gave up on my dream of becoming a game developer because of fandoms (iykyk) and I stopped writing my ideas down and creating in general because there's no point. I absolutely hate myself for being so hyper-aware because it makes me feel dirty minded and paranoid.
I'm always getting told 'so don't interact with it/just avoid it' and similar things, but if it's everywhere, how do I? Society, especially online, is so overly saturated.
I'm too scared to tell anybody in my life, especially about my views on labels in general. (like how apothi shouldn't be a microlabel because repulsion isn't the same as no attraction, or that I'm not sex-positive, but not sex-negative either.) I don't identify as apothi, but it's easier to just pick one and explain.
I see it from a biological perspective since I'm really into biology, so I really confuse myself sometimes, haha
romance wise, it's complicated. If it happens, it happens- but I would want it to be with an apothi woman first. Not sure if that makes me aromantic though.
There's more to this, but I don't want to overshare.
Oh, and a fun etymology fact I keep thinking about-
I never really liked using -phobia to describe hate because it means 'fear of'. -Misia (or mis-) means 'hatred', like how misandry means hatred of men and how misogyny means hatred of women.
just a little hyper-fixation of mine