r/BlackTransPeople

Lately I been feeling down. Since starting my transition 11 years ago. It's hasnt always been the easiest journey. The world and people can be cruel even with you living in your truth and being your authentic self. Even though I know the choice I made was best for me to hear "I'll never be man enough, or even good enough makes me question things. I wish I had friends who just wanted to know me for me instead of people judging me because I'm trans. I pour into everybody else around me and try to pour into me but its tough. I rarely smile, especially in pics. Recently went bald when most of my life I've had long hair. Feel so indifferent about my appearance. Even tho

I want to belong in the trans community, I feel so lost and dismissed by those who should be welcoming.I hate being vulnerable especially to strangers but any kind words others can share I would really appreciate it.

As a fairly masculine black guy, I can happily say that I look at myself and the subtle femininity that I carry in my face and embrace it finally. Being called pretty doesn’t make me feel like I’m not passing. Having long hair doesn’t make me fear being misgendered. I’m comfortable in femininity as much as I am comfortable in my masculinity.

Hey everybody!🫶🏾
Hope you all are having a beautiful Monday morning.
As my SRS date is approaching, I’m starting to do a lot of self reflecting and shadow work, allowing the little girl inside of me to heal.
This has been a long road for many of us, and no matter who’s reading this, just know that I’m proud of you and how far you’ve come.
I’m truly grateful for this subreddit for allowing a safe space for us to come and be visible to one another. Seeing all of this trans beauty is truly astonishing.
Hope you guys and gals have the best week yet! 🧡🧡🧡
And remember, No matter how tough this life can be, just remember not too many folks on this earth possess the kind of strength and boldness we all innately have 💪🏼💪🏽💪🏾💪🏿

Side note : I’m a horror film fanatic, and wondering if any of y’all have may recommendations?

I’ve been feeling feminine and cute without lashes recently which is odd bc I normally feel clocky without lashes I still end up wearing them to work bc I’m like maybe I’m overhyping myself lmk 😭

Had me another good day at guitar lessons from the guitar center. Only a few more lessons left in the month and I feel a bitter sweetness to it ending. Wondering now what other instruments I should try. Have a great week everyone take those steps you’re afraid to take and you might get a good surprise. ☺️😊😎🤗🫶🏾🙌🏾☀️

I'm serious need to buy this lip gloss again. it's so pretty anyone got some recommendation

I got my hair braided in Cornrows on the 31st of July! I usually keep them in for 2-3 weeks and take them out! When I was taking them out, I thought about having a frohawk for shits and giggles, but then a lot of my friends liked it. So, I decided to keep it until I take the rest of the cornrows out next week!

Tfw you just sit on your sink n meow

TW: sexual assault / stealthing / CNC / threats

I genuinely cannot believe this is how the last 12 hours of my life have gone.

Some people who follow me may already be able to figure out who I’m talking about because I have posted about a guy I was seeing recently, including posts involving us shooting together.

Please do not identify him, contact him, message his family, or try to play internet detective.

I aI am deliberately not gonna post his name, address, screenshots, recordings, or other super identifying information because I am making a police report and I want law enforcement to handle that evidence properly.

• Aug 14th, 2026 6AM Edit: I did talk to cops after this happened yesterday she told me this post wouldnt negatively affect the case. If legal procedures happen they happen, I mainly care about my health and getting that PEP shit done today. And to anyone who claims I put too much info about him on the post, fuck you, unironically dont care I redacted ALOT of shit could have posted way more shit on him on here but chose not to. He will more than likely see a court room/judge at the very least based off the amount of evidence I have the cops have a good amount of probable cause to arrest him + him having a criminal history.

But I need to get this out somewhere because I am still processing what happened.

What happened

At around 1 AM (ET / Florida time zone) this morning, I was having sex with a guy I had become extremely attached to.

We had already had sex twice before this, both times in missionary.

Both of those times, he used condoms.

Condom use between us was not some new expectation that appeared out of nowhere afterward.

We had also talked about sexual boundaries through text.

We had discussed CNC because we are both kinky.

We had talked about safewords and limits.

I am submissive and comfortable with certain CNC dynamics, but that has never meant “anything goes.”

And unprotected sex was not something I ever consented to.

This time I wanted to have sex prone/on my stomach.

That is actually one of my favorite positions because I find it comfortable and intimate, and he had also complained that his knees were hurting from missionary previously.

So there was nothing suspicious to me about changing positions.

I was lying on my stomach.

He was behind/on top of me.

It was dark.

Because of the position, I could not really see what he was doing behind me or visually confirm whether he had put a condom on.

Which is exactly why, immediately before penetration, I specifically asked him:

“Do you have a condom on?”

He told me:

Yes.

I believed him.

That was a lie.

I took a hit of poppers right before penetration because he is physically large compared with me and it helps me relax.

Between being prone, the room being dark, trusting what he had literally just told me, and everything happening in the moment, I did not immediately realize that he had penetrated me without a condom.

He eventually ejaculated inside me.

A minute or so afterward, I felt fluid leaking out and got some on my fingers... We didnt use any normal lubricant that would have produced that color (ie: he ate me out and put it in that way, spit/saliva wouldnt have been that color.)

That is when my brain started putting everything together.

He was standing beside the bed afterward and I asked him:

Where is the condom?

He told me he had thrown it into the trash.

I asked him to show it to me.

He wouldn't.

I kept pressing him.

The trash can was a small, clear trash can mostly containing beer cans from us drinking. It wasn't some disgusting bathroom trash overflowing with garbage.

We had literally handled cans from that same trash before to shoot guns in his backyard at some beer cans we drank earlier, they are in a pretty rural part of florida... (his family has a ton of generational wealth from a well known union civil war general's descendants ike 70 some acres of land dating back a hundred plus years ago. They essentially named this place/area back then bc 1000 years ago earliest ancestor was in a battle of [not gonna name it cause it would be doxxing almost think] and also his father manages multiple golf shit 10-15 million dollar budget yearly big money etc)

And if he had just taken a condom off and thrown it away, it should have been somewhere near the top of the clear trash can anyway.

So I kept asking.

Where is it?

Show it to me.

Are you sure you had one on?

Eventually he basically gave up on the story and admitted:

He never used a condom.

That is the moment everything changed for me.

This wasn't:

A condom breaking.

A condom slipping off.

Two drunk people forgetting to discuss protection.

A misunderstanding about whether protection was expected.

We had previously had sex twice and he had used condoms both times.

And this time, because I physically couldn't see whether he had put one on, I directly asked him whether he was wearing one.

He told me yes.

I relied on that answer when I allowed him to penetrate me.

And there wasn't one.

Then he tried to use our CNC dynamic against me

When I confronted him, he started trying to justify or minimize what happened.

One thing he brought up was that during our consensual CNC dynamic I had previously said things like “rape me daddy.”

That fucked with my head for a while because I started questioning myself.

But the more I think about it, the clearer the distinction becomes.

CNC means consensual non-consent.

It requires boundaries precisely because you're roleplaying the absence of consent while actual consent still exists underneath it.

It does not mean:

“You can secretly remove conditions I explicitly placed on sex.”

It does not mean:

“You can lie when I directly ask you whether you're wearing protection.”

It does not mean:

“You have permanent permission to actually violate me whenever you want.”

We understood safewords. Even when I brought up my safeword ive normally used in the past he mentioned using a color system (red, yellow, green) again hes not like unaware of bdsm/kink/cnc.

We understood boundaries. But clearly he didnt care. He broke other boundaries too now that I am thinking about it. For example he decided to spit in my face. And ignore me when I was telling him about my gender dysphoria down there...

We had discussed condoms in very good detail. I have texts from him demonstrating that back and forth even. He told me to go buy condoms for example. And how he prefers Trojan over magnum because of slippage I guess and tight feel that he wants.

And even if every previous conversation somehow disappeared from existence, there is still the single most important fact:

Seconds before penetration, I asked him if he had a condom on.

He told me yes.

There is no CNC ambiguity in that exchange.

The part afterward was almost as disturbing

After I realized what he had done, I felt completely violated and emotionally scrambled.

And despite him being the person who had just done it, I asked him to please cuddle me.

I know that probably sounds strange.

I don't entirely understand it myself.

I think I desperately wanted some feeling of safety or reassurance because my brain hadn't fully caught up to what had just happened.

He refused.

He basically ignored me.

Then he started blasting loud music in his room on an large soundboard with heavy bass etc at around 1 AM. (Again his house is large. And parents sleep on the opposite side of him, so hes played music before maybe at 30% which is already loud but this dude cranked it up to 60%) despite liking the music (similar interests) I had mentioned to him hey arent ur parents gonna get mad at u/disturbed from this? And he said yeah I dont care cause I run this place (again he doesnt hes a broke 29yo insurance agent only even living chill bc his dad/family is rich and it probably cost like pennies to house him there.)

His parents eventually knocked on his door because, understandably, they wanted him to turn it down.

His reaction was insane.

He started screaming and arguing with his family.

The confrontation went on for maybe 20 minutes.

I could not see every physical interaction, again he was across the house and I heard she but didnt see most of it... So I am not claiming something happened that I didn't personally witness.

But the situation became aggressive enough that I became genuinely afraid.

At one point I heard him say that he wanted to kill his father and that he wasn't afraid of going to jail.

That was when my brain switched from:

“I've just been sexually violated.”

to:

“I need to get out of this house safely.”

While he was distracted arguing with his family, I started recording audio on my phone for my own protection.

I got dressed

I packed my things.

I secured my firearm on my hip this time appendix carry. (I normally purse carry but I was on high alert at this point and time now...)

For context, we both have familiarity with firearms and some of my previous Reddit posts involving guns were explicitly about things we had done together.

I never pointed my gun at him.

I never threatened him with it.

I put it on because I was trying to leave a house where someone was screaming about wanting to kill another person and I had just discovered that same person had violated me sexually.

Then I left.

There was another confrontation about what he had done while I was leaving/around my car, and portions of the aftermath were recorded.

I also have front + rear dashcam footage from around that timeframe.

I have timestamped material.

I have texts showing previous discussions about condoms and sexual boundaries.

I am preserving all of it.

I am probably not going to be uploading that evidence to Reddit at this time...

I eventually made it home at around 3 AM.

I barely slept.

I did not shower.

I have urinated since the assault and I changed clothes this morning, but the clothes I was wearing are still sitting unwashed at home. I didnt know that they would have been needed for evidence when I make report cause you never think something like this is gonna happen to you...

At 7:20 AM, I got up and took my little brother to school.

That part feels surreal now.

Like I'm experiencing one of the worst mornings of my life and simultaneously doing normal older-sister shit because life apparently doesn't stop when something horrible happens to you.

Then I get on i95 (again this is Florida) around 8–9 AM, I went to the nearest VA hospital (I just did 4 years active duty in the us navy from age 17, to 21, I turn 22 soon, trump trans military ban, hopefully this context makes sense...)

I talked to someone in mental health and told her what happened.

She gave me resources and talked through my options with me.

I had already been thinking about reporting it, but after that conversation I decided:

I am making a police report.

The VA then directed me to the Florida Department of Health in St. Johns County for immediate HIV/STI concerns.

I went there.

They explained something I already suspected:

An HIV test taken only a few hours after an exposure obviously cannot tell me whether HIV was transmitted during that specific incident because the infection would be far too new.

So the immediate concern is prevention, particularly HIV PEP, along with appropriate STI evaluation.

They then referred me onward.

I am currently sitting in the ER

As I am writing this, I am sitting in the Flagler ER.

They were expecting me.

I'm here for the medical/sexual-assault side of this, including evaluation, evidence considerations, STI care and getting PEP sorted out.

After the medical side is handled, my next step is making the report with the St. Johns County Sheriff's Office.

I have an absolutely ridiculous amount of information about this person and a considerable amount of contemporaneous evidence. (He basically told me his whole life story + family history documented with photos, timelines, articles, etc.)

That's going to investigators.

Not Reddit.

One clarification for people who look through my profile

Some people may remember posts I made recently about going to a guy's place.

There is also an old “movie night” post on my profile.

https://www.reddit.com/r/BlackTransPeople/s/ExJUABDQj7

https://www.reddit.com/r/BlackLGBT/s/9DnDZrLUL6

https://www.reddit.com/r/transitiongoals/s/glf4z11eMi

That movie-night post was not a real event and is not part of this timeline. It was onlyfans engagement farming sure and I just took a selfie and made up a title. I was actually just getting pizza hut then.

However, other posts about the guy I became attached to, including the firearms-related posts, were real and I guess that is him pictured in video shooting my glock in his back yard.

https://www.reddit.com/r/transguns/s/7QNMmFVO05

https://www.reddit.com/r/BlackTransPeople/s/1K49Y9G35e

https://www.reddit.com/r/BlackLGBT/s/39hMsJKOny

https://www.reddit.com/r/StraightTransGirls/s/tDXertLrjk

My Grindr profile that I had posted was also real/current at the time.

I actually deleted Grindr and Taimi and Boo and POF ccount after becoming super attached to him because I wasn't interested in looking for anyone else.

That is part of what makes this hurt so much.

I trusted him.

I liked him.

I felt super attached to him.

I wasn't secretly preparing myself for some confrontation or looking for reasons to accuse him of anything.

I wanted this relationship to work.

Then this happened.

What keeps replaying in my head

The thing I cannot stop returning to is how incredibly simple the situation was.

If he wanted unprotected sex, he could have asked me.

I would have said no, lets wait 3-6 months so I can properly get on PREP via the VA and then have more trust that u genuinely see me as something long term. I never did anything unprotected anal raw sex in my life.

And that's apparently the problem.

Because instead of accepting my answer, he removed my ability to give one.

He didn't tell me:

“I don't have a condom on.”

He didn't ask:

“Can we do it without one?”

He didn't say:

“I don't want to use one.”

He waited until I was lying prone where I couldn't see what he was doing.

I asked anyway.

“Do you have a condom on?”

And he told me:

Yes.

I consented to sex believing that statement.

Then afterward, when I discovered what happened, he initially invented a condom in the trash that he couldn't produce before eventually admitting he hadn't worn one.

Everything else about our sexual history can be complicated.

CNC can be complicated.

Relationships can be complicated.

Trauma responses can be extremely complicated.

But this particular exchange is painfully simple.

I asked if he had a condom on.

He said yes.

He knew he didn't.

And now, less than 12 hours later, I'm sitting in an emergency room being evaluated for HIV/STI prevention and sexual-assault care because he decided that lying was easier than respecting my answer.

I'm sad.

I'm angry.

I'm exhausted.

I'm still occasionally catching myself wondering whether I'm somehow making too much of this.

Then I remember that I'm sitting in an ER because somebody knowingly took away a choice involving my own body...

So I'm preserving the evidence.

I'm getting the medical care.

And I'm making the police report today.

Please do not try to identify or contact him based on anything previously posted on my account. Let law enforcement handle that part.