Is it ok to move on after a lie?
Hello I '20F' just started talking to my ex '20M' and I lied to him about another man '21M'. I wanted to come on here and ask for advice in my relationship. I started talking with my ex again around June but I wasn’t so sure if I wanted to start talking to him again because it ended badly last time. He broke up with me because of lots of reasons but the main reason was because I kept lying to him. As I started reconnecting with him again him again I was open to him about my feelings and I told him I was not so sure if I still loved him, as this was going on I had been in a talking stage with this other guy who I will call zack. Zack and I had done a couple of things together like made out and other stuff but we never slept together. I could tell that the things happening between us were nothing but some type of summer fling where we would both fade out from. As i started talking to my ex more and more, I realized that i probably do want to get back with him because he had changed. As this was happening I told zack that what was happening between us was nothing because he was just horrible overall and he wasn’t taking it seriously. I had also stopped hanging out with him as soon as i got back in contact with my ex because that would’ve been disrespectful. There was this one day where I was talking to my ex when he had JUST reached out for the first time after a while and he asked if I had done anything with anyone else over our breakup. I lied and said no because the idea of zack had flew over my head AND because I wasn’t too comfortable sharing that with him after I hadn’t talked to him in a while, but he had always been more comfortable than me with that sort of topic over sexual stuff and I knew he wouldn’t have judged me but the main thing is that I forgot about zack. About a month passed by and this was when I actually started to get serious about my ex again and i wanted to put in a genuine effort. I was laying down with me when it occurred that he had asked me and zack just came into my head and it was like a blanket of shame flew over me, I remembered that I HAD done stuff with zack. Now this is the very important part. I told him about the stuff with zack and he became angered and sad because he HATES when anyone lies to him he is completely against it. I told him and he asked if it was the zack i’d been texting recently, and out of fear of him leaving and because I knew itd be seen weird without context I said no. I lied and told him it wasn’t him. At the time of this conversation zack was blocked, but I am not sure for how long itd been. Even before that I hadnt hung out with him but he was still a guy I talked to so I didnt completely cut him out immediately but i tried to slowly drift off from him AS SOON as i felt something with my ex again. I am coming on here to ask if I should tell my ex that it WAS the same zack id been texting or to just keep quiet about it. I am not exactly sure what my ex would do and if he would just cut contact with me immediately and give up on me or if he would just let it go, I know he will be mad but I am not sure how mad. I don’t know whether to just let this go or to tell him because it feels like im self sabotaging, it has been about 2 months now since this lie. It would help if someone could tell me if it is or isnt okay, if i should let it go, or just tell him. If someone told me it was fine, it would stop eating me alive so badly. I am so stuck and the only reason this is on my mind is because i genuinely want something serious with him and I do not want him to leave again. I promised him I would not lie again, and I did. I am so stuck and I have been so completely honest with him since this lie that im sharing right now. Someone help!!