r/Coparenting_Redefined

Any moms ever left their kids temporarily and left them with family to get your stuff together?

I’m currently a single mom of 4. 2 boys from my marriage and 2 from a long term relationship. My boys are older they will be moving with their dad as it’s time for him to guide them now. My daughters are younger and I’m in a situation where I now have to leave state.

As the primary parent I was taking my daughters with me. Their dad has an issue with that and wants them to stay here with them.

I’m torn between bringing them with me or letting them stay. If they stay that’d give me the opportunity to finish school, work 2/3 jobs to save and pay down some debt, amongst other things.

If they come I can somewhat still do those things but I would essentially sacrifice time because the plan is to work nights and school during the day so I wouldn’t see them as much and my mom would be helping me while I’m at work or school.

I just need to hear from moms that did this to get different perspectives. How long were you gone? Who kept them?

Can anyone provide some insight or advice as this is my first child? We have been separated for a little more than a year now and since he left, I have had full custody by his choice. He only texts to check up on our daughter about twice a month and sees her for only a few hours once a month or every other month (his choice- he says he’s “busy” with work). He will then text me the day of or the night before asking to take her in the morning when we already have plans and act like I’m keeping her from him. Am I wrong for not changing our schedule to accommodate last minute?

When we separated we agreed on a certain amount for child support because I have her 24/7, pay for her health insurance etc. For the past 2 months he’s only paid half and has been more than 2 weeks late on the other half which screws up my finances and ability to provide. He then acts annoyed that I have the audacity to ask him about money and says “when I get paid I’ll give it to you I told you, I don’t know why you’re being so annoying”. I feel like it’s a constant battle that I no longer want to fight. I explained that he would never hear from me or have to listen to my complaining if he paid the amount on time so we can be secure. Sometimes I think he gets enjoyment from stressing me out. I have a few questions:

1. Because he barely sees her and I have it documented that I’ve practically begged him to spend time with her or begged him to take her on a set schedule, and it’s been a year of consistent absence, whats the probability that I’ll be able to get full physical and legal custody? Our daughter is only 2 and barely knows him, has never done an overnight with him and has only spent a few hours at a time with him. On multiple occasions she has called my best friend, and even a waiter at a restaurant “Dada” It worries me that by law standards he has a say in medical decisions when last week she got hurt and had to go to the ER and he never answered his phone when I called to tell him she was hurt and to see if he wanted to visit her. Not to mention that I will need his permission every time we travel out of the country.

2. If he agreed on a certain amount of child support and I outlined exactly what that money goes towards what is the likelihood I will get that amount awarded in court? He tries to hide his income by getting paid cash and under filing taxes but also just bought a $32,000 truck so I’m assuming it would be relatively easy to confirm he can afford it.

3. Since she’s still young am I able to change her last name back to mine? He is on the birth certificate but if he’s absent in her life I really would rather her have my last name. I want my daughter to have a father but coming from personal experience a completely absent one is a lot better than an inconsistent one.