r/Enneagram8

Yes you're an e8 but everyone is different even a little bit. E8s aren't given a good deal being compared to horrible characters but I've met plenty e8s that are chill, how do you compare?

Personal schpeel: I've noticed there are mostly conceptions of 8s being high energy persons with abrasive personalities, one that most would say I'm unlike, and I think there has always been an insecurity that I am weak which later on developed into an interest in bodybuilding and embracing more macho and masculine qualities that I hated due to gender dysphoria (mtf) social anxiety and generally a dislike for sports early on in my younger years - relating a lot more to the nerdy characters in media. This has only somewhat changed and I'm still generally seen as nerdy just with interests in bodybuilding and being rather open to people. This doesn't mean I'm an e8 of course, but I have become curious since. It's more likely I'm a so1 or at least some social subtype, but still.

im really curious to understand what makes you guys type yourselves with interesting combos, genuinely what makes you think you're not a se base? /gen

edit: this is not meant to be a harmful post okay i just want to understand some uncommon combinations and where your ideas come from, see this more as someone trying to understand than someone being rude

I’m trying to break a cycle and just ended a 5 year relationship (engagement) with a 1 core. When relationships progress and get stagnant and the pursuing stage just doesn’t continue I feel so bland. I keep looking for a fix elsewhere, end up emotional cheating or just getting bored. Once my partner starts to succumb to my will I just feel like there is nothing exciting anymore there. But when they push me to be something I’m not I can cut off as well. I can’t do with doormat partners or dominant partners. I want an equal but I feel like I would fuck that up. I had the deepest bond I’ve ever experienced with a person in my life, I felt loved and secure but bored out of my mind, constantly criticized, exhausted and pushed to be something I’m not. I got so tired I cut it off in one fell swoop not thinking too much about it, then the regret came once I didn’t have anything to do and I started wondering if I rushed the breakup or if I’ve fumbled, will I regret this etc. I’ve been doing workouts, moving my body so I don’t have to think, watching exciting shows or whatever. I’m in therapy but I can’t even be vulnerable with my therapist about some patterns I know I need to fix. I’m trying to be single and work on myself but I feel so strange. I have nothing to do everything feels so still and eerie. I can’t sit still metaphorically but also kind of physically. I feel like something should be happening but nothing is happening. How do I learn what to do with this feeling? Have you faced this feeling before, what did you do?

I am a male 8w7, in a cohabiting relationship with a type 8 woman. We have been together for nearly 2 years now, and we both have 2 kids from previous marriages that all live with us.

I am British, she is Puerto Rican. So very different backgrounds and cultures. (I have always been attracted to Latinas, physically) and I think the fire kept me interested....

But sometimes its just too much. The head-on conflicts is tiring. I guess this is a similar dilemma to the thread below- as a type 8 we don't want a doomat, but we don't want to be dominated. I like her strength, but I also want some influence, at least to be heard out.

Has anyone else got experience of an 8-8 match up?

I

I grew up in a dysfunctional home and was kinda put in charge of my other family members' emotional well-being at a really young age. I mostly raised my little sister, so any time she was sad or scared that was something I felt I needed to fix. My dad was really enmeshed with me and is sorta psychologically stunted himself, so whether or not he was "okay" was up to me as well. If my mom yelled at him he came to me, if a coworker upset him he came to me, and if I did something he didn't like he'd basically throw a tantrum. My mom had a crazy temper and would snap and throw stuff/hit/yell and it scared my little sister a lot, so I'd step in and either fight back or sorta steer her/herd her away from the more sensitive ones in the house.

Anyway. All that led me to being someone who feels responsible for other people way too much, especially emotionally (as in, if someone I care about is depressed or super anxious it feels like it's "my problem to fix"). But the thing is I kinda suck at emotions. I don't like them, don't like having them or when people bring them around me too much. They've always just felt like something for me to solve, a cue for what to do. Teach my little sister how to handle the big tough thing, let my dad tell me about his day and then start an activity that'll cheer him up, talk back to my mom when she's in a mood so she'll throw her useless little fit at me and leave everyone else alone, etc. I know it gives the illusion that I'm emotionally intelligent, but really I just have a lot of practice managing volatility. I'm not in touch with my own feelings, other than "happy" or "mad", and I don't really know how to be.

Anyone else?

I’m curious about how sx 8s generally experience relationships with sx or sp 5s. Do you find the dynamic naturally compatible, or does the difference in emotional expression/intensity cause friction?

Good evening, I’m an ENFJ 8w7 and I’d like to know if any of you other e8s identify with me as well. While I struggle with anger issues and enjoy listening to loud, noisy music, I also see myself as a mathematical genius who can see far into the future. I’m very good at chess, but I’m not just a nerd either, because I’m the arm-wrestling champion in my community. I look at people and automatically make them sense my aura of superiority, causing them to admire my presence. I’m always three steps away from my enemies. I’d like to hear your opinions, even though I know that no matter what you say, it won’t be as good as my own words, but since I’m fair, I’d like to give you this opportunity to express yourselves.

Have you seen profiles which say "let's connect and see where destiny takes us", and that's basically the entire bio? Is it only me who feels like messaging them with some expletives? I don't do it because it is a horrible use of energy. I wonder why people are so scared of judgement that they adapt the personality of a wet tissue paper. Has anyone felt the same? And cracked how to move away before it triggers anger? I have an 8-fix, but I guess it is not very developed, and that's why I react disproportionately.

And I know what most of this sub is gonna say: I would never be religious, religions are just a bunch of bs...blah blah blah Then this post ISN'T for you! I'm specifically asking 8s who ARE religious. Because here's my conundrum: 8 is all about doing whatever we want, right, and we aren't so concerned about morality and we don't feel much guilt...if any. But for someone to be religious they have to constantly think about their relationship to the "higher ideal" and they would need to feel guilty when they don't match that ideal. And EVEN WORSE, if someone is a Christian 8, how does that even work? The ideal of Christianity is literally all opposite to 8s: you need to be meek, let people walk all over you, feel guilty for your sins - how does an 8 square that with being an 8? So I'm particularly curious to hear from Christian 8s.