Feeling Lost
So, im 19M, just started uni in pakistan but believe me when i say this, i have been TRYING DAY AND NIGHT just so i could study abroad, its like a DREAM for me, i would even call it "janoon" ki had tk i want to move out, but somehow life happened, i couldnt go there, now im studying here at FCCU Lahore and ive moved to lahore from a different city so its been very weird , and weird in a sense that ive lived alone before asw away from home, even away from pakistan (ive been to 4-5 countries, 2 of them all alone) and it was nice,
i was NEVER homesick but here oh god ive been feeling miserable, the only thing which is keeping me alive is my gf (i have never been this sad and literally if it werent for our lonnnggggg calls i wouldve been crying inside my pillow), okay so as i was sying i HAD MY BIGGEST DREAM of studying abroad but life and blah blah, now i still have one little shot at going abroad, in spring session UK or fall 2027 in UK, (i want to do data scince and then Masters in Finance from REALLY prestegious place in the UK so i can get into Private Equity for my carrer) but i ws sying that im homesick now when im just 3 hours away from my homecity, maybe im like this because im staying at a private place, where i share a room and that place is weird, like electricity goes, water problems, its so hot at night ,i havent eaten not even 2 meals in one day etc.
i did get an hostel inside uni and i feel like everything would be better but settling in feels like im giving up on my dream, first i tried for US, i got so many acceptances but couldnt go due to finances, i tried ireland , got in multiple unis but same couldnt go due to finances, then tried italy, it ws pretty affordable, but the goddamn embassy changed policy due to which i couldnt apply and now after trying SOOOO HARD ive still not given up, my parents think i have like kinda forgotten about it (im an only child so it took a lot to convince them for my education abroad , they eventually agreed but then embssy and stuff happened)
now my classes have started but i dont feel like studying here, since i have been abroad for internships i compare EVERY SINGLE THING of fc with those experiences and its like comparing your first love to all the other people you meet in life and you still search them in others thats hows its with me i still search for that abroad life here in fc but i am not feeling like it and also i dont want to give up on my dream , mera bohot bara dream hai yar me kia kru
now i dont wnt to settle as it would mean im giving up on a very, infact biggest dream of my life, but im also a little sad that if i do go ill miss my parents but its a part of life so its okay, pls how do i cope up with this stuff, i feel like if it werent for my gf i wouldve been HELLA depressed, i mean im still down but im alright.
just some advice and kind words would be apprecited
