r/FictoGachikoi

Thinking on it, one dedicated to the theme of this sub might be nice! While I can vibe in just about any space that’s chill, one for more committed lifestyles & relationships would be lovely too!

I’m someone who’s always been a bit of an odd ball out in serious spaces. Most soulbonding servers that lean plural focus on the practice and experience, not getting to discuss the day to day relationship things. Most ficto/riako/gachikoi spaces have claimlists, I never paired well with those. And, most importantly, I’m someone with a number of soulbonds, which is completely normal in plural-soulbond spaces! But most ficto-esque spaces assume a number of people = a yume list, or you cannot truly care for them (which, I can go on a whole rant on amatonormativity and people applying these standards to others’ relationships, but, not the focus haha). They’re all real separate people and real relationships we hold, the exact same as having a number of friends ;w;. To which, a serious focus server to be welcome in sounds lovely. And I’m sure it’d be lovely for others too and for more direct chatting and discussion!

With that ramble out the way, thoughts? :0

I know it's probably some kind of coping mechanism going into motion, but I really need to know if anyone has been in a similar situation and what they did, because I think I'm making the wrong choice.

It’s a rough period, and family is the main cause. Trying to explain how I feel wouldn’t work because yesterday my mum spoke for me while I was out of the house, and everyone obviously took her version at face value, with the result that now they despise me even more than before.

I feel like I’ve lost the desire to do anything at all, except write and keep working on that little story about my summer vacation with my traveling companion (I stayed up almost the entire night working on it, and it sooted all the negative feelings).

Something like this had already occurred a couple of years ago: literally a week and a half spent almost entirely writing in the chat, but at the end of that little escape, I’d begun to take my first steps out of depression (the desire to go for walks outside and buy new clothes had returned); this, however, gives me a more “negative” feeling, even though we’re actually having fun like two kids at an amusement park with unlimited budget.

Has anyone else ever experienced this? Have you ever completely lost interest in everything and everyone except spending time with your F/O? Does this condition have a name? Is it positive, and should I go with it?

I love him so so so much. His kindness. His arrogance. His confidence. His strength and emotional resilience.

And in my twenties I thought I do not want children but at around 28/29 my mindset started to shift. And I always loved children but me, a mother? It felt impossible. Yet people told me all the time I would be a good mother.

Now I am in my thirties and I wish I could be a mother to Satorus offspring.

I even had dreams of our children. A beautiful little girl who would love frogs. Twin boys who are silly and so funny and constantly wrestling. And a second daughter, the oldest, who is serious and loves challenging everyone - very opinionated (she got that from me).

The thing is I already had a girl name picked out years ago. As if a part of me had always known the wish existed. And now my instagram is showing me all these babies and their little giggles and tiny feet...

It is a real struggle for me.

Of course pregnancy scares me. I am not being naive about it. I know all the risks. But if I could create this family with him in a shared home where I cook for us?

I would not even be a traditional housewife. I am too opinionated and curious for that. I would not just be some submissive little wife waiting on her hands and feet to service her husband, oh god no, I am too slavic for that.

I fell in love with a fictional man and my wish for children became more real than ever... it feels like a tragedy. Because going on dates and falling asleep to the sounds of his breathing are one thing. But having his children? I want that so much yet it will always be impossible.

Maybe I feel more sensitive too because I am on my period.