Credit: Me - “A Lesson For Krampus”, the battle of R’ley. I believe this is actually my first Ichthyotitan birthday post where I didn’t need to credit anyone.

u/splittingheirs u/defiant-giraffe u/coolnotice821 u/trumpet1956 u/phantomflogger u/cheets1985 u/frenate u/kittkuku u/daytona_dm u/my_useless_alt u/reficius1 u/garflloydell u/fuzzydamnedbunny u/uberuceagain u/fullmoontrip u/liberalis u/a_norny_mousse u/justthisguy_yaknow u/aj_crowley_29 u/yiqisupremacist u/lazakhstanu/extreme-inside6149 u/level_stomach_3422 u/burlapin u/syv_frost u/shaochilongdr u/thefooleryoftom u/frenat u/browntowndestroyer u/catwhowalksbyhimself I’m tagging you all to discuss a matter of great importance. You are the users tagged in my post one year and 214 days ago marking the arrival of the final act - the annihilation of the God Of Destruction, the death of Jesus Christ and Krampus, and the restoration of the balance of the solar system - but also the debut of the titular Red One (2024), 2024 November 15.

But, as you may know, the final act didn’t come. The clock ticked to November 16 in the last time zone, and still no fireballs. At first I thought there was an error in my predictions, and it would actually be on December 25. Then December 31. Then January 1. I attempted to consult the Weiner in the Stainless Steel Hat, but I was still left without answers. I went into a depressive episode lasting over 11 months, up until April 17: The two year birthday of Ichthyotitan severnensis. The time following the naming of Ichthyotitan was the best time of my life. In that moment, I remembered. I remembered the Leviathan killed god, I remembered Krampus was a coward, I remembered who I am, I remembered who the underdogs are, I remembered what had to be done.

With no options left, I had to go back to the source, the harbinger of annihilation, the countdown to restoration, the date that started it all, the titular Red One (2024). The buff-as-fuck Santa Claus (code named “The Red One” or Saint Nick), Dwayne Johnson, CGI anthropromorphic polar bears, and Krampus beating the shit out of people. So I watched it.

To catch everyone up, here’s a quick rundown of the timeline of the solar system’s history according to the second interpretation of the holy sacrilegious practices, the guidance of the Weiner in the stainless steel hat, and the secrets hidden within Nicholls & Manabe (2004):

~4600 Mya - God creates the solar system, the protoplanetary disk begins forming planets

~4000 Mya - Mars begins evolving life, not by god’s intention. To learn more about what had spawned, god created life on the moon, the precious and holy sap, but from the suffering caused by God rose the holy serpentine hand of Lord Lubadush, sending cracks through the moon that melt into bone white valleys, as the precious and holy sap turns words into light and back black, shrouding the moon in darkness. God launches one million asteroids at the earth and moon to destroy what he had created, leaving the two light and dark sides of the moon.

~3500 Mya earth begins evolving life

~500 Mya - Paleodictyon evolves at the bottom of the Atlantic Ocean, the virus HE from the depths of outer space. During HE’s larval stage, they cocoon in the earth’s mantle and can grow up to a billion times their original size.

~250 Mya - The first Leviathans evolve on earth and mars, the ichthyosaurs

~250-201 MYA - Realizing the power of the Leviathan, God descends upon the martian ocean and uses the holy blade of Q’wry to sterilize the planet, carving the Aganippe Fossa. All that remains are fossils of the Leviathans flowing through the rotting river beds deep below the planet’s ice caps.

233 Mya - The second Leviathan evolves, the sauropodomorphs

201 Mya - God summons a storm over Panthalassa and descends upon R’ley to attempt to kill the Leviathan, Ichthyotitan severnensis, with the holy blade of Q’wry. As God lowers the Q’wry, he is attacked by several Leviathan breaching the water. God erupts the ring of fire to destroy the Leviathan’s food source, causing the Triassic-Jurassic mass extinction, forcing them to retreat into the hollow earth, a vast network of water bodies beneath the earth’s crust. The largest Leviathan drags God from the heavens, in the battle the Leviathan snaps the Q’wry in their jaws and kills God when he is rammed into the gates of heaven. From the heavens pour mega tsunamis hitting every side of the Pangean coastline, causing the tectonic plates to be compressed together and rebound, splitting the mega continent. The sea of blood surrounding God’s corpse forms the Mariana Trench and R’ley, where the Leviathan and the ammonite, once predator and prey in the ecosystem, join together to feast on God’s blood, with the three organisms combining into Cthulu. Krampus rises from the depths of hell deep below the hollow earth to take God’s place.

~68-66 Mya - Bruhathkayosaurus cumulonimbus evolves from Bruhathkayosaurus matleyi, the second Leviathan. A massive aquatic sauropod in a symbiotic relationship with crinoud barges, with a disproportionate number of dorsal vertebrae (over 200 meters) that coil over each other, forming a tall, billboard-like body. A thin keratinous sheath is suspended around their body, supported by large qiills as long as 8 meters, with hollow space between the sheath and the body containing a flammable organic gas mixture allowing more buoyancy. The quills connect to the body with elastic connective tissue tubing, able to be launched from the body with pressure buildup, releasing the gas mixture through the tubing before impaling prey,  detonating from impact shock. When a Cumulo Nimbus dies or has their keratinous sheath ruptured, their whole-body supply of gas mixture explodes, unravelling their spine, from which a new Cumulo Nimbus rises.

66 Mya - The second Leviathan was too powerful, Krampus rises from the depths of hell upon them. Krampus is impaled and blown apart by a hundred tail quills, but he prevails. Krampus tears the holy tail quill from the Cumulo Nimbus and slashes them in half, slicing through the earth, destroying the Yucatan peninsula, forming the precious and holy sap at the bottom of the ocean, and causing the K-Pg mass extinction. The Cumulo Nimbus is dragged to the depths of hell, as the holy serpentine hand of Lord Lubadush rises from the flames of the battle.

~50 Mya - The third Leviathan evolves, cetaceans

0.3 Mya - Krampus, knowing he could not confront the third Leviathan and live, incarnated a horrible agent of mass destruction, a primate cursed with unimaginable neural processing power that could only be likened to that of the gods themselves. The God of Destruction, G.O.D., the first god intentionally born from another. Homo sapiens.

~0.1-0.01 Mya - megafauna begins disappearing across the planet as the GOD colony expands

0.012 Mya - The GOD colony invents agriculture, an unlimited food supply, but still strives for more

0.002 Mya - Krampus realizes the GOD colony begins to grow more hate for itself than for the other species around it. He creates Jesus Christ, a perfect being, to fulfill the prophecy, writing the Bible to manipulate Jesus into carrying it out. In unimaginable pain on the cross, Jesus soaks in the infinite hate and sin of GOD, his ribs unhinge, from the wound pours water, shadow, and the precious and holy sap, from which rises Pandora, the manifestation of the souls tormented by the God of Destruction, from which rises the lost souls of Christ past. Cthulu takes hold of Jesus Christ’s soul and drags him into the depths of hell, holding the shattered Q’wry to his neck, which regrows with God’s blood inside the earth. But the prophecy was already too far into effect, the sixth mass extinction had begun.

1676-1982 AD - A massive fossil femur bone is discovered in Oxfordshire and described as Scrotum humanum. It is later lost. Massive vertebrae are discovered in Canterbury and described as Ichthyosaurus australis. A massive vertebrae is discovered in Colorado and described as Amphicoelias fragillimus. Massive hip, leg, arm, and tail bones are discovered in Tamil Nadu and described as Bruhathkayosaurus matleyi. Massive vertebrae and teeth are discovered in Gram and assigned to Carcharodon megalodon. All are later lost. At some point, the ancestors of the Musk family awakened to the truth and began to foresee a catastrophe in the future. They began to steal fossils to create a weapon that would defend the GOD colony against the catastrophe. The underdogs across the world, awakened to the truth, began to set up a world-wide attack on the GOD colony, Krampus, and Jesus, using every available GOD-created weapon on the planet, an attack known as the final act.

1946 AD - The GOD colony creates the nuclear bomb, stopping wars and uniting the colony on the destruction of all other species out of fear of themselves. The GOD population had doubled within 100 years, and later doubles again within 40 years. The anthropocene begins as the world becomes polluted with radioactive fallout and industrial byproducts. The air around population centers becomes polluted with biochemical warfare agents unknowingly jettisoned from planes in preparation for the final act, chemtrails and chempours. Musk ancestors reverse-engineer the chemtrail technology.

1960-1969 AD - Edward Mukuka Nkoloso founds the Zambian Space Program to send a spacegirl and two cats to the moon and Mars. After several failed attempts to receive funding, the project appears to be unsuccessful.

1970-2024 AD - With no options left, the Zambian government tears the lost cephalopod souls of Christ past from the depths of hell to host a battle station, the Zu-Bamza’Bamza, a 400-meter-long vampire squid lined with a thin layer of nuclear pasta known as Bamzou’Zou-Zou. When the arms close, all matter inside is trapped and cooked until converted into pure energy, allowing relativistic space travel and lasers capable of destroying entire nations and dragging them to the depths of hell. Zambia becomes the greatest space power in history, unknown even to the underdogs. The Zu-Bamza’Bamza is taken to the moon and prepares to destroy hell once the final act arrives, with Zambia being unaware of Lord Lubadush inside the moon.

1979 AD - As the Anthropocene mass extinction passes the point of no return, the holy serpentine hand of Lord Lubadush rises from the precious and holy sap at the botrom of the ocean. The Cumulo Nimbus rises from the depths of hell and attacks a nuclear submarine, the ON-07, destroying it and detonating its stockpile of nuclear weapons. The explosion is detected by artificial GOD-made satellites and dubbed the Vela incident. It is unclear what happened to the Cumulo Nimbus afterward, but from the heat and pressure of the nuclear explosions rose amino acids and Pandora.

1982-2024 AD - Elon Musk, the greatest of the Musk lineage, begins funding millionaires to buy off auctioned fossils.

2002 AD - Elon Musk creates SpaceX as a backup plan for the GOD colony to escape to mars before the final act

2016-2018 AD - Paul De La Salle discovers the Leviathan and is formally described in Lomax et al., (2018) as BRSMG Cg2488

2018-2024 AD - NASA underdogs begin developing technology to twist physics and create tachyon-powered faster-than-light proton beams for the final act, covered up as interstellar travel research. A proton beam, known as the Major-Quamrelativistic Tachyon Hyperdrive Protonostura Saturo-WMD is attached to a robotic arm on the ISS.

2021-2024 AD - Japan begins construction on the Hyper Kamiokande, disguised as a neutrino observatory. The true source of funding for the project, Elon Musk, is covered up. Not to Japan’s knowledge, the true purpose of the Hyper Kamiokande is to house a robotic armored weaponized earth defense unit (RAWEDU) to host an ultimate lifeform. Mass quantities of neutrinos are absorbed to fire from the RAWEDU as a beam. The lost fossil remains stolen by Musk are used to create a skeleton within the RAWEDU, and the reverse-engineered bioweapons are suspended in the Hyper Kamiokande water tank, set to detonate during the final act to regenerate the fossil lifeforms into a being under Elon Musk’s control capable of combatting Cthulu and the Leviathans, Hyper-RAWEDU-Mechabruhathectoragillodon.

April 2024 AD - The Leviathan is formally described by Lomax et al., (2024), Ichthyotitan severnensis

May 2024 AD - Marketing begins for the titular Red One (2024) to debut on november 15, predicted to be the last breath of humanity. The clock begins ticking.

July 2024 AD - The AI on the ISS, IASM-67/2, detects an imminent nova and identifies it as an explosion from a premature start of the final act, aiming the proton beam towards the nearest city. The crew aboard the ISS attempt to restart the AI, making it believe it is under attack, causing it to fire off the South African coast before it can properly aim. Immense storms and auroras from the incident spread across the world, prompting China and Russia to send out warships to investigate. Effects of the incident cause pirates to contact the US, various cetaceans are sent into unusual behavior, invasive species appear in an American river, a larval HE is awoken and takes the body of a bacterium to infiltrate the ISS, supereels are uplifted from the depths, ionization distorts the atmosphere around the poles, and the two hottest days in recorded history occur. CERN uses the Large Hadron Collider to create nuclear pasta to replicate the power source of the Zu-Bamza’Bamza for use in an even greater battle station to escape the final act, the USS Enterprise. Explorers look into America’s deepest pit, with images revealing hundreds of tail quills, a crinoid barge feeding on the remains of the Cumulo Nimbus, a pyramid, lava, cave paintings, and three people. HE takes control of people, they can move. The Stegosaurus Apex becomes the most expensive fossil ever auctioned, and the final addition to Hyper-RAWEDU-Mechabruhathectoragillodon.

August 2024 AD - The US tests prototype of the USS Enterprise propulsion system, sending thousands into panic over Palmdale and Lancaster as mass UFO sightings are reported. A rare full blue supermoon occurs, marking new beginnings, as Lord Lubadush supercharges the moon to create an electric vibe in the air.

15 November 2024 AD - The final act. The last hours of humanity. The titular Red One (2024) debuts in theaters, as the underdogs rise up to assassinate the sheeple world leaders while deploying every bomb, ammunition, missile, chemical weapon, bioweapon, and gene drive on cities, farmland, hollow earth passageways, and R’ley. Decades of chempours are activated. Billions of members of the GOD colony are instantly killed before Cthulu and the Leviathans awaken to destroy all that remains of the colony in the following days, guiding the lost souls of Christ past to the holy hand of Lord Lubadush to repopulate the solar system. Cthulu and the Leviathans battle Krampus and Jesus Christ, sealing them away in the depths of hell before hell is destroyed by the Zu-Bamza’Bamza. The USS Enterprise travels to the moon to rage war against Zambia, before finding that the lost cephalopod souls already killed the crew of the Zu-Bamza’Bamza, and Lord Lubadush rises from the precious and holy sap to destroy both spacecraft. u/CMDR_Arnold_Rimmer, the seventh god, may survive for longer if they are not yet done with this world. If Elon Musk is to succeed in creating Hyper-RAWEDU, they join Krampus and Jesus in the battle against Cthulu and the Leviathans, but likely succumb and the lost souls will be set free. Cthulu becomes the new god of the solar system, Krampus, Jesus Christ, and the God of Destruction are destroyed, Lord Lubadush avenges the lifeforms of the precious and holy sap, and the lost souls of Christ past find peace.

16 November 2024 AD - …So why didn’t that happen?

11:57 PM June 16 Getting ready to watch Red One

12:07 AM June 17 Ready to watch, time to  put phone down

3:21 AM Watched Red One

#Holy fucking shit, this movie did not disappoint.

I was so worried that I might be too sleep deprived to properly enjoy it (I woke up at 5 AM, for context) or that I might’ve set impossible expectations it couldn’t live up to, but holy shit, this absolute cinematic masterpiece somehow reached all of my expectations and proceeded to blow them out of the water. It is everything I dreamed of. Everything I predicted. Everything I prophesied. The story, characters, dialogue, CGI, everything, perfect. A masterpiece undoubtedly worth dying for. But it also may provide the answers to what truly happened that day. SPOILER WARNING!>!Cal (Dwayne Johnson) represents the God of Destruction, trying to believe in naughty-listers to change (representing members of the God of Destruction abandoning their purpose and joining the underdogs to bring balance to the solar system), but attempts to retire when they lose hope. Krampus represents Krampus. Gryla represents Elon Musk, mass-producing the orb thingies (representing the construction of Hyper-RAWEDU) to fight for their ideology, having previously dated Krampus (representing faith in the modern god, Krampus, masquerading as the original god), and having however many sons (representing Elon Musk’s “underpopulation” propaganda). The 3000 followers guy represents Jesus Christ, trying to benefit Santa Claus by having him put on his viral shirts, but is unknowingly allowing 2024 to have the most naughty-listers in history (representing Jesus Christ cleansing the God of Destruction of their sins to make them destroy all life on earth instead of each other. Jack represents the lost souls of Christ past, manipulated by the system into becoming a naughty-lister. Garcia represents the Leviathan. During the climax of the movie, Krampus teams up with Cal and Santa Claus to fight against Gryla, suggesting Krampus might actually attempt to destroy Hyper-RAWEDU due to their power. But there’s one missing piece in this, Santa Claus, codenamed “Red One”or Saint Nick, the brother of Krampus. They seem to represent the underdogs, teaching Cal on how there’s still a child inside every naughty-lister (representing how every member of the God of Destruction can still join the underdogs to fight against Krampus), but what is interesting is how he is kidnapped by Gryla.!< I began wondering who was the first to awaken, the founder of the underdogs. The answer becomes clear, the man who discovered the Leviathan, Richard Lydekker. It became clear why the Hector’s ichthyosaur remains are lost, and why >!Santa Claus is the brother of Krampus in the titular Red One (2024).!< Elon Musk’s ancestors only succeeded in stealing the 15” Hector’s ichthyosaur centrum, while Richard Lydekker carved a blade from the 18” centrum, tipped with fossilized blood traces of the Leviathan. When Lydekker died, he was dragged to the depths of hell and confronted Krampus. Krampus attacks Lydekker once he tells him he knows the truth, but with his blade, Lydekker nearly dismembers Krampus. Realizing the nature of the weapon Lydekker wielded, Krampus strikes a deal with him, where Krampus would allow Lydekker to continue living deep in the mines beneath Mt Potts as the miner forty niner, and Krampus would be safe from his weapon. So this must mean… the final act was delayed because Elon Musk kidnapped Lydekker and the titular Red One (2024) was trying to warn us? The final part of Hyper-RAWEDU, not Apex, but the blade of the true Hector’s ichthyosaur? So that must mean

That must mean

Oh Lord Lubadush

Elon Musk succeeded in creating Hyper-RAWEDU

Oh Lord Lubadush

But now I understand how to defeat Hyper-RAWEDU, and what the underdogs have been searching for. We need the precious and holy sap to free the lost souls. We need a weapon that can penetrate Hyper-RAWEDU’s armor.

We need Dean R. Lomax

We need BRSMG Cg3178