r/GrandNews

In a shocking turn of events, Open AI has announced, that in a new deal, they have agreed to give the Trump administration head. The deal was agreed upon by both parties on Sunday, June 30th, during a tech summit held in Skibidi, Ohio. In the contract, Open AI, the mastermind behind ChatGPT, agrees to give the Trump Administration 10% stock in the company, as well as a blowjob, with the details expressed in the document below:

"Therefore, a qualified representative of the party know as 'Open AI', agrees to perform fellatio upon a qualified representative of the party know as 'the Trump administration' for at least one hour, regardless of how many times orgasm is reached, or, if orgasm is not reached at least once within the hour, then the before mentioned representative of 'Open AI' shall perform fellatio upon the before mentioned representative of 'the Trump administration' until orgasm is reached".

Here at Grand News HQ, we can only assume the that the "qualified representatives" of Open AI and the Trump admin are CEO Sam Altman, and President Donna(formerly Donald) Trump, especially considering Trump's comments on Altman at a recent rally in which she said, "You know that Sam Altman, he's got some very sexy ties that he wears, big blue ties that really sparkle off his glass".

It's unclear in the contract what would happen if the Open AI rep. could not bring the Trump admin rep. to orgasm within an appropriate period of time. Perhaps they might find some other way to make it up. Of course, we can only wonder, but this reporter is sure that the new Open AI-Trump admin partnership will result in many fruitful collaborations.

Listeners of the popular radio podcast NPR found their usual morning listen interrupted by genuine aliens from the planet Jupiter warning of an impending invasion of Earth, starting with the city of New York. "It was really scary, but I think I'm ready to except our new rulers", said one devotee of the station, "It really freaked me out, but I'm really not scared of them, I hope they're nice" said another. Some listeners doubted the authenticity of the announcement, but scientists from NASA were able confirm the existence of the aliens. "We were able to locate their ship in earth's orbit and can say that without a doubt, these aliens are real and will invade earth", said a spokesperson for the government organization.