Suicidal
I’ve always been a super depressed girl. I turned 25 yesterday and recently got diagnosed with ghsv1. I got it from someone who says they’ve never had a cold sore in their life and didn’t have one present at the time but refused to get tested and told me mine was a false positive. I’ve had it for 4 months and have had 3 outbreaks. I feel like my life is over. I’ve never been a super sexual person but I feel like my freedom in that aspect of my life is gone. It’s hard to believe someone will love me with this and I’m too scared to disclose because I live in a small town where everything gets around fast and hsv is not very common here. I’m NOT SAYING I DONT DISCLOSE. IM JUST SAYING I HAVE RESTRAINED FROM ANY EMOTIONAL OR SEXUAL RELATIONSHIPS. I’m trying to accept just being alone for the rest of my life because I’m too afraid to tell anyone and would feel a major guilt if I passed it. Everything I read says ghsv1 doesn’t have many outbreaks after the initial one but that’s just not the case for me. I got an outbreak when I shaved. I got my initial outbreak. I got an outbreak when I used a dildo and I got an outbreak when I used my vibrator. It seems like anything touching that area causes one. My life is OVER. I have put a downpayment down for an SOT. But seriously will there be a cure in the close future? My mental health is declining rapidly. I had been celebate for almost 2 years before this and just regret ever having sex again. And the first time I did I contracted oral herpes on my genitals. I know the comments are coming that it’s really not that big of a deal and I applaud everyone who has accepted it and gotten through it but for me??? I can’t deal with this. It’s always been my biggest fear and now it’s true. Since contracting this virus though it has been eye opening. I have learned it’s mostly stigma. Although I have had a lot of outbreaks in this short time , they are more annoying than life changing and aren’t super big outbreaks. Idk man …. I just don’t want to be here for this. I fully believe there is a cure and I refuse to go to therapy or take medication and give the government exactly what they want. I feel like a cure hasn’t came out because they don’t want it cured and they want people to still spend money on these silly treatments. Do they not understand not everyone takes antivirals but EVERYONE would buy the cure no matter how expensive.. I would spend my last on it.