r/I_am_the_asshole

For context my boyfriend and I are young teenagers im not going to specify how young for safety reasons. We go to the same school and hang around in the same friend group which is how I got into this situation

A few weeks ago I had been broken up with by someone that I had been dating for a few months. And as soon as I told my current boyfriend this he had been constantly texting me. Before me and my ex got together I did have feelings for my current boyfriend but they went away during the talking stage of my past relationship. After I got dumped I realized that I still did have feelings for my current boyfriend. Obviously because I had just been broken up with I didn’t want to tell my current boyfriend my feelings because I personally felt that I was not ready for another relationship.

My current boyfriend persistently texted me for days after until he asked me to be his girlfriend. Mind you I had never told him I had any feelings for him at all and clearly stated to him multiple times that I didn’t want another relationship. Now here is where I made a giant mistake because I had been receiving a ton of pressure from my friend group to get over my ex and to move on and find someone else so even though I didn’t want another relationship and wasn’t ready to date I said yes to him. After only 3 days of being broken up with. Terrible I know I feel so incredibly guilty and I have for weeks but for some reason in my head I felt like I had no other choice I know this may make me an asshole and im sorry.

Before me and my boyfriend had gotten together we had been friends for around a year and I knew that he was the sort of person to make jokes about sex, masturbation and other sexual things but this is all I thought it was. I thought they were jokes. When we were just friends I would reciprocate with these “jokes” because I tend to joke about these things even though everyone in my life knows I would never act on them because I am a virgin who is saving herself for marriage (I know this is long winded but I will get to the point soon I swear)

We started dating only about a week ago and the entire relationship I have been regretting my decision. He constantly sends me videos and texts me about sexual things and having sex and doing other things that I am completely not ready for (I have to add that we are also under the legal consent age for my country) For a day or so I was complying with these jokes and reciprocating as I thought that we were both joking because that was how our friendship was before we started dating.

This was until he started to create a plan for us to have sex. I still was complying with these thinking that he was still joking, but since he has been constantly pushing me and pressuring me to do things with him. This has made me scared to see him and to go to school. He has already said things like that he loves me and keeps telling me all of these things that he wants to apparently do with me and they make me extremely uncomfortable. I know this is love bombing and I have realized this.

Now to get to the point from the caption my grandmother had been incredibly sick for the last week she went into end of life care about a day after my boyfriend and I started dating. Most of this time I have been incredibly distraught and have been going out to distract my brain and have not been able to focus on anything. Even though I had been talking about this situation with my boyfriend, all he seemed to care about was talking about sexual things and making sexual remarks towards me and he didn’t care about how I was feeling. In-fact he got mad when I would not reciprocate his sexual text messages and even criticized my outfits while going out basically saying that I looked like a slut. This has made my mental health even worse over the last week.

Yesterday I went out to dinner with my family after staying at home from school because I am scared to see him. The entire dinner he was spamming my phone with sexual videos and text messages even though he knew I was out with my family (he also made me change his contact name to daddy) so I felt extremely uncomfortable during this dinner. During the dinner I was getting harassed by my family they were calling me fat criticizing my makeup and other things so I started crying and I left. While I was in the car on the way home, still crying. I found out that my grandmother had died. When I got home I was bawling. I went to my room and went on my phone there was over thirty notifications from him and he was livid that I hadn’t answered him for over thirty minutes.

I told him that my grandmother had died and he had the audacity to just say “oh shi” I found this incredibly immature and got pretty pissed off so I told him that I was going to sleep after I had told him that he still kept spamming me with sexual videos and was getting mad because I was still online but not answering him. I replied to the videos pretty plainly because I was annoyed and also really upset and then he told me to “react better” Even though my grandmother fucking died less than an hour before. He kept spamming me with these stupid videos while I was trying to sleep until 2 in the fucking morning. And throughout that time he kept asking me when I was going to feel better NOT EVEN A FEW HOURS AFTER MY GRANDMA DIED

He has also been doing this throughout all of today even though I am sobbing and grieving the death of my beloved grandma. I am honestly so annoyed and I really want to breakup with him not just for my grandma but because im not ready for sex or for any sexual activity of any kind and I hate the pressure that he puts onto me (also to add he is annoyed when I hangout with my other friends and doesn’t let me do anything without him) but I am terrified of what this means for my friend group and for school so please give me some advice

Also just to mention Im a teen with ADHD and autism and im also a chronic people pleaser so if this situation sounds dumb to you there is an explanation for my terrible decisions.

I hope this finds the right people because I really need advice as soon as possible

Im sorry for it being so long