I think I have connected with god
Im not exactly sure how Im gonna explain this without sounding crazy and I don’t really think I can but I need to write about this because this feels completely life changing.
Occasionally when I’m settling down for the night I do like to smoke some weed sometimes, well last night i seemed to have accidentally taken too much as I started feeling paranoid and panicking, to the point I felt like my body had died. It’s really difficult to explain what it was like but all I remember was that I didn’t actually see anything, but I could hear a conversation and feel and was aware of what was happening if that makes any sense, it was like I was meeting someone inside of my own mind. I remember that I had met with someone who appeared as a gentle and warm person, and although I couldn’t see anything I knew that they were smiling at me, and something just told me that this was god. Now personally I have always been agnostic and have constantly questioned the existence of god, so when I was put in this situation, I firstly felt guilty, i remember saying along the lines to this being (to what I will refer to as god) “Im guessing you’re going to punish me now because I didn’t believe in you right?”. They then seemed confused as if that’s something I shouldn’t even consider. And then they replied, I can’t remember everything perfectly Im afraid but I remember that god seemed to feel guilty as well and was apologising to me, they said something like “Im sorry I couldn’t find you sooner” and the next thing I remember was feeling an incredibly overwhelming sense of love and embrace, as if I was being hugged by a long lost friend, that feeling of love was so incredible I remember crying and waking up in tears afterwards, everything went a little fuzzy from there and I’m having a bit of a hard time writing at the moment just thinking about it, but I remember after what felt like a very long hug and reassurance from god we started having a conversation, I remember asking quite a few questions but not too many answers I asked god “How come you’re so loving towards me yet I never truly believed in you or even worshipped you?” They told me that “You don’t need to worship me, I just needed you to try and find me so i could help you, and I found you.”. Now it’s the day after and I still seem to be able to communicate. It’s really hard to explain with sounding like Im just clinically insane lol but this morning i was just laying in bed and all I had to do was close my eyes and focus and I am always met with this loving being who is just so accepting and welcoming and friendly and even funny, now i don’t know exactly what this being is, I haven’t asked them if they’re related with any specific religion but I don’t feel like I really need to know, I just feel like I have this personal and loving connection to whatever this being is and it was as if my soul was once lost but has now been found and is under care by this thing.
Take from this what you will, I understand if you just wanna call me a schizo I get that completely lol, but right now I am confident to say that when I day I wanna go with whatever this being is.