r/NaughtyGirlsUnited

so i got comp in physics and neet too

im officially cooked

got this sub invitation so here my post <3

Idk sorry if I'm being a weirdo. Just a late night thought.

Sooooo. I'll try to keep it short, as short as my first relationship lasted lmao.

We met coz we Had similar taste in almost everything so it just instantly clicked yk. Then we started talking daily. We discussed every topic from feminism, religion nd what not. Gradually I noticed his subtle flirts, he was respectful about it. I gave in eventually. I started liking him. A sweet nerd.

After few months, when I confronted him if there was actually smth or was I building a castle in the air, he told me he liked me back and was planning to say it after few months so we both have more time. He told me to date him but I didn't reply instantly. After 2 weeks, I received a voice note, And he said it, "I love you". His voice was shaking, he was nervous fs. We started dating after that.

I was always afraid of abandonment, whenever I talked to him about it, he used to reassure me that he won't leave. in his own unique ways. One time he showed me his decade long collection of every gift he ever received and how carefully he keeps them. I thought he'll keep me with just as care.

it was all going good. I never thought I could be this cheerful. Life was all sunshine and rainbows. He made me feel so loved, cared for and wanted. I couldn't even imagine in my worst nightmare that we'd drift apart like this. he introduced me to newer versions of myself. The girl who brought bangles for the 1st time. So yk...!!!

3 months after the confession, He had his NEET exam, he was stressed nd all. We had an argument nd he crashed out. I cried a lot. And he said yk this relationship is not healthy, I am anxious, you are crying. But I said this is the first time, we'll be fine. Fights happen.

he replied, First fight coz I stood up for myself or you'd give me a moral lecture like you've been doing. ((um... what?))

During these 2 days he said stuffs like he can never love me the same again. That love once broken can't be placed together again.

We were okay after that.

But his words got stuck in my mind. His replies were a bit dry. I got more anxious thinking he was gonna leave. I asked him if he needed space but he denied. I texted him just good morning for the next 2 days and he replied dryly. didn't text me whole day. The same guy who couldn't go few hours without seeing my face :)

I told him that I'll give him full space, no contact for next week nd he was okay with it but he kept saying it'll change nothing. I thought he was just tired and needed time.

After that, I received no text for 4 days, And I heard the news of NEET paper being leaked, I instantly texted him asking if he was okay. He was still cold. Told me he was fine. I asked him if he feels better about us now. He denied. told me nothing has changed.

I cried and begged him on call, telling him I was feeling anxious for the past week, cold sensations all over my body nd couldn't even eat. His voice was flat like that of a stranger. He said we should drift apart. And my body went numb. I asked him what went wrong. He said He couldn't be himself in front of me and had to suppress parts of himself so he can't be with me anymore. I promised him I'll change and begged him to give me a chance as I had no idea I was hurting him unknowingly. He denied. We broke up. we talked like good old friends while doing that, before going, he showed me the new shirt he brought. We bid goodbye.

But I was a fool. I couldn't let go. I texted him again, called him again after few days. and in last 25 days, I have done this 4 times. Fuck my self esteem. his voice was flat all the time.

these are all the answers I got upon asking if we really can't fix this anymore. "I was ocassionally happy with you." "Please let me live in peace". "I choose myself".

I donno his side of the story so I can't tell you that.

But since I have attachment issues and I can't let go of my first love that easily, I checked his profile one last time tonight. And I saw how cheerful he was everywhere else. His life is still normal. Like I never existed. While my world has shattered, and hands are bleeding picking up the pieces, his seems perfectly normal. Joking with his female friends, Male friends, everyone. Posting here and there. It seems too normal. Like he doesn't cares.

I am also focusing on myself now but I just needed to get this off my chest tonight. Thank you for reading this. Love you yaar.